Saturday, October 29, 2011

Narcissistic Me

Is it all about me?

On Wednesday, a friend and I met for coffee. In our time set aside for each other, I ask about her discoveries on a recent weekend getaway, she asks how I am doing with my list. We take turns listening and talking. We open our calendars and set aside more time, an evening to enjoy dinner together with our husbands.

Our coffee time runs over our allotted time. We depart 30 minutes later than planned. We are worth every minute. Our friendship is one of transparency, admiration and respect. We share our pain. We encourage each other through adversity and celebrate God's gifts. We embrace a willingness to grow and change.

Yes. At times I am unaware of struggles in her life, and at times she does not know all that is going on with me.

Yet, as I tussled in my summer cave
- my exhausted humanity fondling the idea of pushing people off the ledge - my friend comforted me with prayer.
She came without unsolicited solutions. With open hands, she simply and quietly held onto our friendship.

Others demanded more of me, begging to be pushed off the ledge.

And the pushing felt narcissistic.

To whom are you closest in an emotional sense? Personally and professionally? Could you articulate what is most important to them in their life? - Allan Josephson, M.D., Narcissism

In response to the question above:

A list of 7 names comes quickly, the people with whom there is connection. I pencil a quick articulation for each, their actions speaking louder than my words, lives often vastly different yet delicately harmonious with mine. We share a willingness to grow
and change. The list of 7 names is surrounded by the white space
of the ample page. I briefly examine the need for more names,
the 3 that come to mind are people for whom I cannot pencil a
quick articulation. - Rw

I did not emerge from my summer cave with malice, pushing people off the ledge. Eroded by the winds of life, the rock of friendship softened. We were unwilling to grow and change. The fragile harmony once found within friendship slips away like sand.


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