Saturday, June 21, 2014

Hope, One Brick at a Time


 obsessed     TWISTING    RULES   > poison
 CONTROL!   v pain.            REJECTION


Judges   OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE.   Identity Crisis 

Unlike the computer keyboard i am using today, the healing arts workshop taught by Destiny at ICAP Global's Delight Conference moves and removes control from my internal editor's struggle for consistency and perfection  unexpectedly and predictably placing it into the capable hands of God.

The workshop becomes a treasure quest: experiencing for the first time the feel of brush strokes on canvas ...  uncovering and discovering words within the pages of soon-to-be-discarded magazines ... and permission to be messy in the sticky-fingered joy and childlike freedom of gluing tiny bricks onto canvas and even tinier words onto bricks.

Inspired by Destiny
The story she shares and the artwork she created inspires us. Her letters spelling HOPE are thin and tall and strong  the bright white graffiti reminiscent of a strong beam of light shining miraculously outward from deepest darkness. Her 3D bricks and words surround on four sides the HOPE on the painted wall.

In these post ICAP days and weeks i find myself enmeshed in an abstract longing for a clarity of connectivity, wildly seeking a deeper understanding of the comfort i often find in isolation, and striving toward elusive answers to concrete questions: why does the artistic bricks-n-mortar of my artwork lacking walls to the left and to the right? is it because i struggle most with shifting sand at my foundation? seek shelter from the storm beneath the idol of self-reliance?

The artwork now hangs on the wall above my desk. Each time i look at this recreation of Destiny's Hope, One Brick at a Time, the unfamiliar textures and processes of working in mixed media return to me, and somewhere deep within i am confident the answers will come.

When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division,  envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God. But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things! – Galatians 5:19-23 NIV


Friday, June 13, 2014

light in the shadows

01 Feb 2014 – i remember the meeting.

the notes in the margin of my notebook read:

in without
hold integrity
job description
specific ministry
faith life
what is is essential?
what in me is broken that i am afraid?

i came into the meeting overwhelmed, exhausted, wanting, needing.

i left with fragile hope, permission and affirmation to sit on my step, to move neither up nor down, to not let go of the old nor take on the new, to not give up, to not drop any one thing, but to suspend the non-essentials, to embrace the basics in what i had been doing, to sit and rest and wait for God to send help.

and God sent help

in the notebook before me, there is now a list of 19 names – 12 strangers who recently and unexpectedly entered my life, new co-conspirators in the journey

and 7 familiar friends who drew closer, bringing strength and inspiration

i remain here on my step engaged and motionless, resting in the hope, in the permission and affirmation

i am learning to suspend the non-essentials and unearthing time for rest

i am no longer in the dusky shadowed darkness

for God has moved

and on my step there is new Light.

God made two great lights—the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars. God set them in the vault of the sky to give light on the earth, to govern the day and the night, and to separate light from darkness. And God saw that it was good. Genesis 1:16-18 NIV