tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-68148654112764143432024-03-13T22:00:17.344-05:00whisperedhopesa woman ... tentatively exploring the Creator who intelligently and divinely grants her the dignity of
free will while laying out a plan for every breath of her life before she was a heartbeat in a living wombRwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02843100679882649320noreply@blogger.comBlogger339125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6814865411276414343.post-21548805606452626812024-01-13T07:30:00.000-06:002024-01-13T11:45:57.351-06:00Winter Dance<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggG2lNPNQyCeweLcLSIhbi3G_7pYOHcP9hV_1CjZcDswbdN05rt39ElrSfvgn2psckqpFPpKKcE6ZsqAqcVxwIAbXwsEt1W0p8MzUqX25DN-6ell0CvHQGItoicAQk4Vacpku8zFit4B1j335cTJWVBNVzWFY1qXwP7mtLNUYde6Z3CKoRBRzpLY3s5fNS/s1920/olga-deeva-eMmNngRO13M-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="1920" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggG2lNPNQyCeweLcLSIhbi3G_7pYOHcP9hV_1CjZcDswbdN05rt39ElrSfvgn2psckqpFPpKKcE6ZsqAqcVxwIAbXwsEt1W0p8MzUqX25DN-6ell0CvHQGItoicAQk4Vacpku8zFit4B1j335cTJWVBNVzWFY1qXwP7mtLNUYde6Z3CKoRBRzpLY3s5fNS/s320/olga-deeva-eMmNngRO13M-unsplash.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Overnight the snow silently shuffled across the patio gently
covering the brick pavers with a thin blanket of white, an inch deep at most. High
above me in the grey pre-dawn sky, a small dark leaf takes flight, plucked from
the branches of a bare tree by a gust of cold wind, then beckoned downward to the
snow-covered earth by gravity. The leaf waltzes with the wind, dancing in a
perfect circle, before breaking away and twirling free, moving southward toward
the fence and disappearing into the shadows.<p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I stand quietly for a moment, then open the door and step
out of the garage. The cold wind greets me and does not invite me to dance. Instead
I scurry to complete my task, bringing dry food to fill a dish for the white-and-gray
semi-feral cat, one of three cats that roam this small rural community<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">—</span>a
cluster of 500 households located 92 miles west of Minneapolis. When we first met in the warmth of summer I had refused to feed this cat, yet in the depth of winter my heart moves toward compassion. The weather has turned bitter cold. Wind chills of 20° below zero are forecast for today
and I am reminded of Jordan B. Peterson’s insistence that Mother Nature is a
cold-blooded killer, even as she nurtures life on earth.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In past years, six decades of living actually, I’d embraced
and asserted that people should not be feeding feral cats as it simply supports unsustainable breeding/birthing rates. Yet on a recent morning as I
stood warm and dry looking out the kitchen window watching this one make its
way across the snowy landscape, my heart moved toward intervention or perhaps interference—which however well intended often is not a kindness. Am I painfully prolonging misery in the cold
shadow of inevitable death Mother Nature brings? Or is my meager offering a welcome and simple kindness?<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">Rw</p><p class="MsoNormal">image: Olga Deeva on Unsplash <a href="https://unsplash.com/photos/a-tree-branch-with-berries-on-it-in-the-snow-eMmNngRO13M" target="_blank">[more]</a></p><p class="MsoNormal">Jordan B. Peterson, psychologist and author <a href="https://www.jordanbpeterson.com/">[more]</a></p>Rwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02843100679882649320noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6814865411276414343.post-15172879705379990082023-12-06T09:39:00.003-06:002023-12-06T09:43:42.290-06:00A Breath in Time<blockquote style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: left;"><p><span style="font-family: arial;">"It is widely reported that, a person at rest takes about 16 breaths per
minute. This means we breathe about 960 breaths an hour, 23,040 breaths a
day, 8,409,600 a year. The person who lives to 80 will take about
672,768,000 breaths in a lifetime." - Randy Clare</span></p></div></blockquote><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZM0fyrSHHLglGhDm8PgwApKMew0_vLr3TAL61p3-SBVelyX18TpFa5XseZUQNClKQ6z6iO8AxVqHdeQn1L6x-DArghU82l_66rcN4jJHVEQfDy6NOnHalupbHeTermj-e0MXkDKhvHlqoL5ls81G1gA-U33T90up4wyZ4EY3dU9Bk6siglAJ2rWCZ_E3g/s3264/dual%20obsessions.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; font-family: arial; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3264" data-original-width="2448" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZM0fyrSHHLglGhDm8PgwApKMew0_vLr3TAL61p3-SBVelyX18TpFa5XseZUQNClKQ6z6iO8AxVqHdeQn1L6x-DArghU82l_66rcN4jJHVEQfDy6NOnHalupbHeTermj-e0MXkDKhvHlqoL5ls81G1gA-U33T90up4wyZ4EY3dU9Bk6siglAJ2rWCZ_E3g/w150-h200/dual%20obsessions.jpg" width="150" /></a></p></div><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;">This morning with what feels like a giant leap forward in the writing careers for two women in my circle of friends [see <a href="https://www.bible.com/en/reading-plans/41272" target="_blank">The Bible App</a>], I am thinking about breath and breathing and how quickly our time on this earth is passing.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;">From the modest bookshelf in the corner of the living room I retrieve the first book ever to cross my desk as an editor, <i>Dual Obsessions</i> by Don Jacobson. The note tucked just inside the front cover was written 21 years ago<span>—</span>and in my soul the journey with "Ole" and "Lena" resonates with a freshness that belies the passage of time. <i>Can it really be that over two decades have passed? It feels more like a breath in time, that just yesterday I was sitting at the conference table in Rice Lake, Wisconsin, laboring beside the author and his amazing wife as the book emerged from the manuscript.</i></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Referring to myself as an <i>editor</i> is a rather recent development, with my preferred self-title being <i>assistant to the author</i><span>—</span>a behind-the-scenes girl Friday<span>—part of the support-and-encouragement sisterhood. For the most part I play a small role in a collaboration of authors, designers, editors, photographers, illustrators, proofreaders, cheerleaders, mentors, friends, and prayer partners. </span></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXu3UaIji0rkE0IoZIv6XMXmmO9bypwTkXhg8E1kRSQ5qXVzaXousEHsC9s47BWZGUfPCP9R013GxupBPpouf-xSG_4kcTO7AES6JqS1gTH93CYCk8Le186us11pdyuaRqgfzCqRYfhPyk0QY3ow3guLofWRFqfLjwyRwB4BOZaKiG_rP_ZGOlxP2BFm2y/s3104/20231206_apolnaszek%20books.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; font-family: arial; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img alt="Books by Andrea M. Polnaszek" border="0" data-original-height="1274" data-original-width="3104" height="131" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXu3UaIji0rkE0IoZIv6XMXmmO9bypwTkXhg8E1kRSQ5qXVzaXousEHsC9s47BWZGUfPCP9R013GxupBPpouf-xSG_4kcTO7AES6JqS1gTH93CYCk8Le186us11pdyuaRqgfzCqRYfhPyk0QY3ow3guLofWRFqfLjwyRwB4BOZaKiG_rP_ZGOlxP2BFm2y/w320-h131/20231206_apolnaszek%20books.jpg" width="320" /></a></p></div><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;">The partnership with my friend and most prolific author is a 25-book journey that began in 2011 with <i>Touch Stone. </i></span><span style="font-family: arial;">Though a Facebook page still exists, the website for my sole proprietorship <i>Renew Collaborative</i> was taken down when I realized that the proofreading and editing work that has blessed me with more than a dozen delightful authors has come by referral<span>—personal and professional.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;">So, today I am grateful</span><span style="font-family: arial;">—for a breath in time, for the work that is on my desk, for those who've worked beside me, and for God's undeniable blessing on our lives. Go God! <br /></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><i>Rw</i></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span class="text Ps-139-14" id="en-NIV-16254" style="font-family: arial;">I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;</span><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-139-14">your works are wonderful,</span></span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-139-14">I know that full well. <i>Psalm 139:14 <span style="font-size: x-small;">NIV</span></i></span></span><span><i> <br /></i></span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><i> </i></span></p>Rwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02843100679882649320noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6814865411276414343.post-83534929978878139432023-06-30T07:18:00.000-05:002023-06-30T07:18:30.216-05:00WidowSpeak: Surrender<p><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span>This
morning I opened my blog to find what I wrote seven months ago -- "God
brings clarity to chaos and peace to our frail and hurting humanity" --
has come to pass.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span></span></span></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5OluFrVqUmieJmG24D68t-RMROdRQ0agsShL8D8o2kQfn0L6wo7BDwv7lLVSL9RzuidN-d5ECaDxNgbF4NrqTRCt7zwcMBeLOmF-2box1CeqfnS1UJLVBY5zYlOtl4Ex6U1tapu6S3YPk9eMRDLumyTGIb5BIgkL3i4tOHbA4hKbwRYNSrPwC4_hR7U7y/s3264/20230523_132147.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2448" data-original-width="3264" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5OluFrVqUmieJmG24D68t-RMROdRQ0agsShL8D8o2kQfn0L6wo7BDwv7lLVSL9RzuidN-d5ECaDxNgbF4NrqTRCt7zwcMBeLOmF-2box1CeqfnS1UJLVBY5zYlOtl4Ex6U1tapu6S3YPk9eMRDLumyTGIb5BIgkL3i4tOHbA4hKbwRYNSrPwC4_hR7U7y/s320/20230523_132147.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">As
I sit on the deck I am surrounded by bird song so delightful it rivals
any music created by humanity. As darkness ends and the sun gently rises in the east, the birds take flight or grow quiet. The morning is infused with a now familiar
symphony within my heart: surrender.</span></span><p><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span><i>WidowSpeak: Surrender</i> is a story being cherished within my heart, a story that began in the early days of January when I surrendered control, ever-so-slightly opening the door to whatever God would bring in the new year. Though the story is the third (and likely final) installment the WidowSpeak series, it will not be written or published. </span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span>God gently and purposefully blessed me with a new and unexpected life partner 133 days ago, and in a moment of surrender, I agreed to his sincere request: No book. </span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span>We laugh now as I playfully suggest he write the book and I will take the role of editor, but as today opens with bird song in the gentle morning sun there is no need for another book. God will do what God does beyond all we hope or imagine. </span></span></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span>We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps. </span> </span></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Proverbs 16:9</span></span></p>Rwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02843100679882649320noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6814865411276414343.post-69419513879273307462022-11-27T18:00:00.007-06:002022-11-29T15:23:56.714-06:00O Come Immanuel<p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-size: small;"></span></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmxcO3jgKl5RFPB1gKfSgZTsDPqgReCjk2E03arnrda_sdnMZ40s8Ma76wS18xaN218iAXRxursYDPayiWydhXDBMw7VkX5xmUbweaD2Ksh4EDPFqAjtH-Ro1XSilVM9IdPySIHKsJEHWo5m5ZllsOgjhN8-y2c-XQy4ezkiak1MsgjP4D48_rPY-dHg/s2644/83421933_m.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1586" data-original-width="2644" height="192" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmxcO3jgKl5RFPB1gKfSgZTsDPqgReCjk2E03arnrda_sdnMZ40s8Ma76wS18xaN218iAXRxursYDPayiWydhXDBMw7VkX5xmUbweaD2Ksh4EDPFqAjtH-Ro1XSilVM9IdPySIHKsJEHWo5m5ZllsOgjhN8-y2c-XQy4ezkiak1MsgjP4D48_rPY-dHg/s320/83421933_m.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></div><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-size: small;">It is Sunday, the first Sunday of Advent. The topic is PEACE and it is my turn to give the message, to stand in front and share insights with our church</span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">—</span><span style="font-size: small;">friends really, all of them, to varying degrees. I am being apprenticed by our pastor and I am new at this "preaching" thing. </span></span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-size: small;">Truth be told, I struggle with the idea of preaching, being a preacher or pastor, preferring instead shepherd, better yet exhorter or encourager. But I digress. My point is that in this time and place I see and experience myself as more of a messenger, checking my unhealthy need for control throughout my preparation and presentation</span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">—</span><span style="font-size: small;">attempting on so many levels to stay out of the way of the Holy Spirit, trusting that God will do what God does. God brings clarity to chaos and peace to our frail and hurting humanity.<br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-size: small;">Our Advent will unfold weekly: peace, hope, joy, love. My preparation time for PEACE prior to this particular Sunday morning has been about 10 days and there was a night when I dozed off in the living room only to find my mind working with the scriptures much like human hands kneading bread. At this point what I'd gathered included: Isaiah 7:14 and 9:6, Mary's Psalm (Luke 1:46-55), Elizabeth's blessing (Luke 1:39-45) truncated to end with <span style="line-height: 107%;">“Blessed
<i>are</i> you among women, and blessed <i>is</i> the fruit of your womb!” (Luke 1:42). </span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">At some point leading up to this Sunday morning I added Isaiah 55:13 (that's the cypress and myrtle reference) in which I now hear a hint of Living Water. Yet, the focus remained on Mary's Psalm, her response to Elizabeth's greeting. Mary sings of the future, when, finally, God's justice will come. She reflects the deep and abiding hope of the people of Israel, that God's salvation will bring justice to the land, wholeness, and peace.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">I am in awe of Mary's faith in that moment when God's plan (the birth of Jesus) is revealed. I am both humbled and inspired by her ability to be so at PEACE in the promises of God that when Elizabeth acknowledges the miracle, Mary bursts into song. </span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">I conclude that perhaps her peace is the place for us to begin believing we too are forever blessed.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">As the thoughts I'd gathered come to an end I invite the people to pick up a scroll of sorts, a collection of scriptures on PEACE printed on plain paper then rolled and secured with a blue or purple band. </span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">My next stop is the closing prayer. I did not prepare anything in advance, trusting that whatever is on my heart in the moment will manifest in my words spoken aloud. I begin:</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><b><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">Lord, Thank you for this time together this morning...</span></span></b></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">I look out to meet the eyes of the people gathered and see a cloud (or is it a constellation) of pink and silver stars, an orb large enough to fill the theater, floating mid-air, above the people. In the seeing I understand that each star or point of light represents a life changed by passing through this place, generations of people changed by the Holy Spirit working within this community called Fellowship. </span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">I am overwhelmed by this magnificent manifestation</span></span></span><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">—</span></span><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">the Holy Spirit revealing God's glory. Tears of joy push up from my heart and I cannot speak. There is a pause, a silence, a waiting. I remember the price Jesus paid, how God prepared then freely gave this Divine Gift. When the tears subside and my words return, the prayer continues:<br /></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b><span style="line-height: 107%;">... thank you for giving Jesus Your Son, thank you for Christmas, for the Resurrection, the beauty of a Church in unity. We ask your continued blessing in Jesus' name. Amen</span></b></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b><span style="line-height: 107%;"> </span></b></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 107%;"></span></span></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/kaFnJET_LS4" width="320" youtube-src-id="kaFnJET_LS4"></iframe></span></div><span style="font-size: small;"><br /><br /></span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 107%;"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">Photo Credit: <a href="https://www.123rf.com/profile_nexusplexus" target="_blank">Sergey Nivens</a> </span></span></span></p><p> </p>Rwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02843100679882649320noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6814865411276414343.post-30095560629864134372022-06-24T20:41:00.497-05:002022-07-09T23:18:05.414-05:00I Slumbered Too Long<span style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_sNWm4-gIhkkrcUqZwnH9IbDl2nq-VppE_kIvLxsj9iJDBk7zNhCbl7J2gFT3yQlXPW_ynJ7Rf5grDKRZf7rqqnCly86HpF1SXoNaKp9lZqaeL8Bo21vpi6xD_lgEGlRYEmXRZlmjcRlbHWBME6_zgGg-XDpoKF3AiH3GtCkh6GR2WT5Q3ylAQt2YJA/s898/342px-St_Agnes_Nagasaki.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="898" data-original-width="342" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_sNWm4-gIhkkrcUqZwnH9IbDl2nq-VppE_kIvLxsj9iJDBk7zNhCbl7J2gFT3yQlXPW_ynJ7Rf5grDKRZf7rqqnCly86HpF1SXoNaKp9lZqaeL8Bo21vpi6xD_lgEGlRYEmXRZlmjcRlbHWBME6_zgGg-XDpoKF3AiH3GtCkh6GR2WT5Q3ylAQt2YJA/w243-h640/342px-St_Agnes_Nagasaki.jpg" width="243" /></a></span></div><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I am guilty. I have been intentionally fasting from media, staying withdrawn from society. This had felt restorative in recent years as I healed from the death
of my husband and the emotional trauma of being suddenly un-coupled. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I awoke
today, June 24, only to find I'd slumbered too long, that America as I'd known her
had violently changed course. And, a tide of self-righteousness had eroded a freedom I'd known all my life: choice. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Tears, then anger, then the memory of standing silent, voiceless, at the statue of St. Agnes* on display at the United Nations Headquarters. The history reads: "The damaged statue of St. Agnes found in the ruins of a Roman Catholic
Cathedral in Nagasaki, Japan in 1945. The Cathedral was completely
destroyed when the atomic bomb exploded about half a kilometre away. The
charring and mottling are the result of the intense heat and radiation." </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">The charring and mottling are so
severe that her back is without form, the sculptor's detail erased by
the blast. I weep in the presence of the statue. I weep as she comes to mind today. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Disgust grows within me at the
continued rancid quest for domination, the inhumanity of humanity. The St. Agnes before me in memory is reminiscent of the Scourging at the Pillar or the brutality unleashed on human beings by American slave-owners and profiteers. <br /></span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghd8OL1kV8M8cQX1zp_aJPeNO7eUSTIWPIZ79CJHCIoafA_OcIhSaTOzQdn6-1S1uykXo3biBmRzDS6HagUPeGPEvl7HQy_vkrK0NFuFWbJEOl87LrrKTD1DjNlvnXNVc567FTLE5YtRpss4-lai9ApILG5qjFPq4_zrLX_4IVaihrOBhRmU6yiBzHGQ/s900/675px-UN_art_9.JPG" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="675" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghd8OL1kV8M8cQX1zp_aJPeNO7eUSTIWPIZ79CJHCIoafA_OcIhSaTOzQdn6-1S1uykXo3biBmRzDS6HagUPeGPEvl7HQy_vkrK0NFuFWbJEOl87LrrKTD1DjNlvnXNVc567FTLE5YtRpss4-lai9ApILG5qjFPq4_zrLX_4IVaihrOBhRmU6yiBzHGQ/s320/675px-UN_art_9.JPG" width="240" /></a></span></div><span style="font-family: verdana;"> My memory now leaps to the 1993 when Michael Griffin shouted, “Don’t kill any more babies!” before shooting Dr. David Gunn three times in the back. Following the protest organized by Rescue America at Pensacola Women's Medical Services clinic, the organizers' response sickens me: “While Gunn’s death is unfortunate,
it’s also true that quite a number of babies’ lives will be saved,” said
national director Don Treshman. <a href="https://www.history.com/this-day-in-history/dr-david-gunn-is-murdered-by-anti-abortion-activist" target="_blank">[more]</a> We were living near Minneapolis at the time. In a Letter to the Editor, I wrote of using our resources toward caring for the children and parents already here, instead of spending it on this pro-choice/pro-life war. The hate mail arrived in droves from those identifying themselves as pro-life.</span> <p></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Years later when my children were teenagers, demonstrators gathered along Hastings Way holding posters of aborted fetuses, grotesquely enlarged to six feet in height for maximum impact. There were families with much younger children in the cars around us. Had the pro-life contingent gone mad?</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Today I ask, has the pro-life contingent made a plan? Are the pro-life voters prepared </span><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span class="d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql lr9zc1uh a8c37x1j fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v b1v8xokw oo9gr5id" dir="auto" lang="en">to welcome the 625,346** infants this coming year? Ready and willing to provide the $14,800*** per child for a typical two-child household? Is there a commitment to cover this $9.2 billion in the first year of life? </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span class="d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql lr9zc1uh a8c37x1j fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v b1v8xokw oo9gr5id" dir="auto" lang="en">Will someone who is celebrating a victory, please share with me the plan for this parenthood?</span> </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I remember a Women of Faith conference at the Xcel Energy Center when the speaker asked us to stand if we'd miscarried, suffered the death of a child, or had an abortion. Women stood together -- nearly all of us -- united by the sorrow, not giving voice to individual stories, simply standing there for a moment, acknowledging the pain and loss of so many. <br /></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I believe: life begins at conception and that every life is precious.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I believe: choice is the free will God offers to all humanity.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I believe: we cannot legislate and enforce morality, and in using shame-based tactics we do more harm than good. <br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">On March 13th, 2009, I launched this blog as "</span><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span>a woman ... tentatively exploring the Creator who intelligently and divinely grants her the dignity of
free will while laying out a plan for every breath of her life before she was a heartbeat in a living womb." </span> <br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">As I look into the faces of my granddaughters and grandson my eyes brim with tears. My heart longs for peace, if not for me, then please, Lord, for them. <br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Rw<br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">* Statue of St. Agnes images from Wiki Commons<br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">**CDC figure annual abortions</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">*** US News & World Report<br /></span></p><p></p>Rwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02843100679882649320noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6814865411276414343.post-16624830530458510252022-05-08T08:00:00.372-05:002022-05-09T23:04:07.582-05:00What If<p></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">This is me, the image captured in 1978, on a classic family trip to California... a visit to Sea World, a day at Disneyland, enjoying the beaches of Los Angeles... three sisters in the back seat, mom and dad in the front. <br /></span></p><p></p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjROR6rn9miZZmJT9CH6HuhprbQ9vtB6_oXhreDmi5ctfxW4Ezg7jcVgvzVxv15HKZquDbNIwWFjYiJE21KqJHduP75QCN0Ecoo-MbZFpEeCWZoJ7CLfZvt8-_be0LfDqudcg4PDgwd6P2ELgv-oMBZnDvlxDVpg0hkWP5GPmE1g0gFKS7q41qnXsvFqQ/s1440/1978%20renee%20pacific%20ocean%20LA.jpg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="992" data-original-width="1440" height="220" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjROR6rn9miZZmJT9CH6HuhprbQ9vtB6_oXhreDmi5ctfxW4Ezg7jcVgvzVxv15HKZquDbNIwWFjYiJE21KqJHduP75QCN0Ecoo-MbZFpEeCWZoJ7CLfZvt8-_be0LfDqudcg4PDgwd6P2ELgv-oMBZnDvlxDVpg0hkWP5GPmE1g0gFKS7q41qnXsvFqQ/s320/1978%20renee%20pacific%20ocean%20LA.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></td></tr></tbody></table><span style="font-family: verdana;">Though many might observe that I was a clueless innocent, the landmark decision<i> Roe v. Wade</i> was one I supported and agreed with, even then. I already had a heart that championed women, having experienced betrayal years earlier, in fifth grade, when I realized that the faith community into which I had been born was not interested in me serving at mass unless I was a boy. </span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">And just a few months after this photo was taken, I experience <b><a href="https://www.rainn.org/articles/sexual-harassment" target="_blank">sexual harassment</a></b> during an after-class conversation with one of my high school teachers, doubly toxic because the teacher was also a friend of my father's and included in summer outings to Lake Holcombe and the Mississippi River. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Now, decades later, I believe that my hunger to <b><a href="https://whisperedhopes.blogspot.com/2016/01/hesitation.html" target="_blank">advocate</a></b> on behalf of women was present within me at my birth or conception, divinely woven by God, perhaps since the beginning of Creation as described in the poetry that opens the Book of Genesis.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Today, the photographs of demonstrations surrounding <i>Dobbs v. Jackson Women’s Health Organization</i> broke through my self-imposed fast from media. Alongside a disturbing and toxic patriarchal bias revealed in a book I am reading on faith models that embrace local and organic expression, the photos brought out the warrior-advocate within me. Even as I drive the handful of miles from the house where I am pet-sitting into the city where my church is located, I find myself pulling together words of protest and plans for active <b><a href="https://whisperedhopes.blogspot.com/2011/09/tired-enough-to-pick-up-stone.html">advocacy</a></b> on behalf of women.<br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Despite my anger and pain, I arrive safely, find a seat and breathe deeply, exhaling the anger, then join in the worship and listen to the teaching. Somewhere within the hour spent here within the community of people following (admittedly imperfectly) the teachings of Jesus Christ, I find my heart searching for goodness and blessing.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Every viewpoint is a view from a point. --Richard Rohr, <b><a href="https://cac.org/every-viewpoint-view-one-point-2015-08-25/" target="_blank">Center for Action and Contemplation</a> </b></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">What if...</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">... we are on the cusp of a new life-affirming season?</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">... the decades impacted by <i>Roe v. Wade</i> are coming to a close? <br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">... another path lies ahead, a time when abortions will decline in number? <br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">... more and more men (and women) embrace condoms, celibacy, monogamy, and parental responsibility?</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">... more and more women (and men) put down the weapons of seduction and manipulation?</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">What if the time has come when we will look at one-another and see the glory of our humanity (women and men) created in God's image?</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><i><span class="text Gen-1-26 psuedo-selection" id="en-GNT-25">Then God
said, “And now we will make human beings; they will be like us and
resemble us. They will have power over the fish, the birds, and all
animals, domestic and wild, large and small.” </span><span class="text Gen-1-27" id="en-GNT-26"> </span></i></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><i><span class="text Gen-1-27" id="en-GNT-26">So God created human beings, making them to be like himself. He created them male and female, </span><span class="text Gen-1-28" id="en-GNT-27">blessed
them, and said, “Have many children, so that your descendants will live
all over the earth and bring it under their control. I am putting you
in charge of the fish, the birds, and all the wild animals</span></i></span><span style="font-family: verdana;"><i><span class="text Gen-1-28" id="en-GNT-27"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><i><span class="text Gen-1-26 psuedo-selection" id="en-GNT-25">.” </span><span class="text Gen-1-27" id="en-GNT-26"></span></i></span> </span></i></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><i><span class="text Gen-1-29" id="en-GNT-28">"I have provided all kinds of grain and all kinds of fruit for you to eat;</span><span class="text Gen-1-30" id="en-GNT-29"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>but for all the wild animals and for all the birds I have provided grass and leafy plants for food”—and it was done. </span></i><i><span class="text Gen-1-31" id="en-GNT-30"> </span></i></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><i><span class="text Gen-1-31" id="en-GNT-30">God looked at everything he had made, and he was very pleased. Evening passed and morning came—that was the sixth day.</span></i></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Genesis 26:31 GNT</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><i><span class="text Gen-1-28" id="en-GNT-27">Rw</span></i></span></p>Rwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02843100679882649320noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6814865411276414343.post-91266341879887349142022-02-22T06:21:00.001-06:002022-02-24T06:55:36.023-06:00Waiting for Sunrise<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I softly awaken in the familiar house—the grandchildren and their parents having arrived home from Wisconsin last night. I use the restroom, and without turning on any lights, go to the kitchen to retrieve my water bottle. I discover hot coffee. My son, one of the parents, kept it on warm when he left for work this morning. I am thankful.</span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEg3u9Oijwflbm4OGgyscR07iu75ypK47kb1aXVPwkM1UvUuy_O3PRji-LDUej9HdK-nN3T2VztOB9uhOFRMSt56gvBPQjgKEX4v22GEDmchLOK2nExlq8I73ZXRXsRtt0q9Hc8uUr5-J77wC6RRg6BpWTZhThHQarA5Lyd5GeQ92Gc34VNUt9FK3maohA=s3264" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3264" data-original-width="2448" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEg3u9Oijwflbm4OGgyscR07iu75ypK47kb1aXVPwkM1UvUuy_O3PRji-LDUej9HdK-nN3T2VztOB9uhOFRMSt56gvBPQjgKEX4v22GEDmchLOK2nExlq8I73ZXRXsRtt0q9Hc8uUr5-J77wC6RRg6BpWTZhThHQarA5Lyd5GeQ92Gc34VNUt9FK3maohA=s320" width="240" /></a></div><p></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I pour it into a teal-colored mug before filling the carafe with cool water and dispensing it into the coffee maker's reservoir. I swing out the small door than conceals a damp filter filled with grounds, remove it and add a new filter and two scoops of rich, brown coffee. I press large brew button that lights up to confirm that the process has begun. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I take my mug into the dark living room and snuggle back into the comforter. The sky outside the sliding glass doors is darkest gray; the bare trees that adjoin the river are barely visible in the faint moonlight. I think of the year I lived here, the days and nights spent pondering the river, my sadness so heavy that it held me captive. I think of my friend, a man I met when I first attended grief group. He was active in the Elks Club and I enjoyed the black-light bingo events with him and other friends who gathered there. The celebration of his life was this past weekend. He is reunited, now in heaven, with the woman he loved most</span><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">—</span>his wife. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">My thoughts move to my husband—an image of he and our grandson decorating the Christmas tree at the Blue House years ago. I leave the nested sofa and walk down the hall to check in on our grandson who is sleeping peacefully. Tears fall. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">In the time it takes me to gather my computer and begin to write, an unimpressive clouded day begins without the fanfare of sunrise. A storm is coming, my daughter-in-law observed last night, when I complained about the lack of whole milk and fresh chicken</span><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">—empty shelves</span></span><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">—</span></span>at the local store. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">The winter gray sky confirms her words. A storm is coming. The day begins.
</span></p>Rwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02843100679882649320noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6814865411276414343.post-84442674453521814422021-12-25T07:06:00.004-06:002021-12-25T08:42:33.485-06:00Welcome, welcome Christmas day<p><span style="font-family: verdana;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhFXCI0w013c3VpzP1KaYj3st9BSJ3xYLL_a8xuOCJKbT4syC3Ebydf3husGIdmux9jeoekOZE0aYpcsMZLA9HqHn7lyrULI-Y-gl3r3f2XXOBsaIcGKxNW5eJXyrdMKyqSCY4uAlPYDXBO0UXAO-9hSHvKGCiKbimSl_q7n1IuAd9z13bhXScupjNNnw=s3264" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3264" data-original-width="2448" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhFXCI0w013c3VpzP1KaYj3st9BSJ3xYLL_a8xuOCJKbT4syC3Ebydf3husGIdmux9jeoekOZE0aYpcsMZLA9HqHn7lyrULI-Y-gl3r3f2XXOBsaIcGKxNW5eJXyrdMKyqSCY4uAlPYDXBO0UXAO-9hSHvKGCiKbimSl_q7n1IuAd9z13bhXScupjNNnw=s320" width="240" /></a></div>Early on this Christmas morning the world is dark when I drag the comforter from my bedroom into the living room, pull the wicker rocker close to the fireplace and snuggle in to enjoy the lights of the tree—yellow, blue, purple, red and green.<br /><br />Slowly, the windowed darkness fades to soft gray and the branches of the sentinel<span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">—</span>the oak tree on the lawn</span><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">—</span>take form in silhouette against the night.</span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">The delicate and alluring beauty of the unfolding dawn echoes an ancient promise, "Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." <span style="font-size: x-small;">Matthew 11:28</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">My mind wanders among the memories of Christmas past... the green velvet dress our daughter wore as a toddler; the first time we cut our own Christmas tree; </span><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">meals of potato soup with crusty warm bread; the smell of baking hamballs and the messy sweetness of children decorating sugar cookies; </span>gifts of ice skates, rollerblades, a bicycle, an MP3 player and snow skis; the arrival of the piano and the big red bow that adorned it, the elementary nativities with shepherds and angels; the high school Christmas concert<i>s</i> and madrigal singers; the wing-themed ornaments given to college students in our soon-to-be-empty nest; the sound of toddler delight with the arrival of the grandchildren; the undercurrent of silent sadness after my husband's death; the love that resuscitates our hearts as life unfolds in each new year.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Welcome, welcome Christmas day.<br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Rw<br /></span></p>Rwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02843100679882649320noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6814865411276414343.post-34288917500981135772021-12-13T11:00:00.229-06:002021-12-21T08:31:14.852-06:00Barcodes, Coffee and Grief<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">It took my breath away. <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhi2XuPoHc8_U59aYS1ePyWJtA4hK-PO69yosKugog0rcnjjXfYeBr4CnBQh0oUixREHxmq0RfPz41SQk0DXvE1ln96nAFPXk49kjAITJtsj0epJwiAdGVO39vwfV7ojqSgibM9doeJcg3o3NWXGInxFz5fspJv5yuX7_5pXddZauWC0AdCahRhh3i-9A=s328" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="154" data-original-width="328" height="94" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhi2XuPoHc8_U59aYS1ePyWJtA4hK-PO69yosKugog0rcnjjXfYeBr4CnBQh0oUixREHxmq0RfPz41SQk0DXvE1ln96nAFPXk49kjAITJtsj0epJwiAdGVO39vwfV7ojqSgibM9doeJcg3o3NWXGInxFz5fspJv5yuX7_5pXddZauWC0AdCahRhh3i-9A=w200-h94" width="200" /></a></span><span style="font-family: verdana;"> </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Walking into Caribou Coffee and seeing the man sitting next to the fireplace at the high-top table for two took my breath away. The shape of his shoulders, the style and texture of his shirt, the color and cut of his hair... this man, with his back to me, could have been my husband. </span></p><p></p><div style="text-align: right;"></div><span style="font-family: verdana;">It took my breath away</span><span style="font-family: verdana;"> because my husband died 5 years, 6 months and 5 days ago. This man, who looks so much like him, is a stranger.<br /></span><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">In the early years of my grief journey many encounters stole my ability to breathe... the moments of pain came close together like the lines of a barcode. Honestly its been awhile since something like this has happened. The white spaces between the thin black lines of pain have broadened. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">In the beginning I held that there was no hope of the grief that accompanied my every waking moment ever fading. And, in this moment, I realize that the pain has faded into the background while the desire to be with my husband remains constant, deeply buried and ready to be unearthed. <br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Grief is odd that way, unexpected. And, if grief is what remains when the person we love moves on, </span><span style="font-family: verdana;">grief is both unique to the love once shared and universal in the human experience.</span><span style="font-family: verdana;"></span></p><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span class="text Prov-30-18 psuedo-selection" id="en-NLT-17246">"There are three things that amaze me—</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Prov-30-18 psuedo-selection">no, four things that I don’t understand:</span></span><span class="text Prov-30-19" id="en-NLT-17247"><sup class="versenum"> </sup></span><span class="text Prov-30-19" id="en-NLT-17247"><sup class="versenum"> </sup> </span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span class="text Prov-30-19" id="en-NLT-17247"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span></span></span>how an eagle glides through the sky,</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Prov-30-19">how a snake slithers on a rock,</span></span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Prov-30-19">how a ship navigates the ocean,</span></span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Prov-30-19">how a man loves a woman." </span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Prov-30-19"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Prov-30-19"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span class="text Prov-30-18 psuedo-selection" id="en-NLT-17246">—</span></span>Proverbs 30:18-19 NLT <span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Proverbs+30%3A18-20&version=NLT" target="_blank">[more]</a></b></span><br /></span></span></span></div><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Rw</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"> </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Grief: Does Time Really Heal All Wounds? <a href="https://tolovehonorandvacuum.com/2021/03/grief-does-time-really-heal-all-wounds/" target="_blank"><b>[more]</b></a></span><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Caribou Coffee original logo <b><a href="https://www.cariboucoffee.com/" target="_blank">[more]</a></b></span></span></p>Rwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02843100679882649320noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6814865411276414343.post-83499091578352595102021-11-16T15:00:00.002-06:002021-11-21T08:18:11.020-06:00Whitecaps and Penny Whistles<div style="text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-AfqA_pg9bXWIg4MWzzXK1bVrUIzpgKwFhAm8u8bRC5FjZbSChsTZ3b_KOLG0hcVdD9fEeGrjTKpxNFWl62n9rB75U-NmB9Ae0y78KzERtlTBqT0hyphenhyphenZI0hTR5MwShpmd1w3SvLoaFV-nB/s2048/2021+lake+wissota.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-AfqA_pg9bXWIg4MWzzXK1bVrUIzpgKwFhAm8u8bRC5FjZbSChsTZ3b_KOLG0hcVdD9fEeGrjTKpxNFWl62n9rB75U-NmB9Ae0y78KzERtlTBqT0hyphenhyphenZI0hTR5MwShpmd1w3SvLoaFV-nB/s320/2021+lake+wissota.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></div><span style="font-family: verdana;"></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"> </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Cold. </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"> </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">I can't help but feel the cold as I drive across the familiar bridge and take in the rolling whitecaps on the lake. </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"> </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">I pull off the road and drive down to the shore. </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"> </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">As I open the car door the strong wind greets me with an unexpected musical sound. It is playing the masts of the nearby sailboats as though the sturdy tall masts were mere penny whistles. </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"> </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">I pause to listen then walk closer to the water to capture an image of the whitecaps. The water will soon grow quiet. The ice will form, calming these churning waters with a thick blanket of stillness. </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"> </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">I return to my car and embrace the luxury of the heater, grateful for the warmth.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Rw<br /></span></div>Rwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02843100679882649320noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6814865411276414343.post-69069780753432318322021-10-25T10:39:00.001-05:002021-11-21T07:55:54.044-06:00Time 4 Everything<p><span style="font-family: verdana;"> </span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFZAJUqx62X2KfRssAgXmQ5OcAEmXnOcHpUeHR-iKAy59j6MSqEDTWnW6mrft6cOJmbVzHftPJ0ji34KoAkAsP3K5I0-vNtCUjciyVCgc5GNYtbNK_LFksAN2sGetoexUVq2LCNuW0siBJ/s2048/20211025_092507.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFZAJUqx62X2KfRssAgXmQ5OcAEmXnOcHpUeHR-iKAy59j6MSqEDTWnW6mrft6cOJmbVzHftPJ0ji34KoAkAsP3K5I0-vNtCUjciyVCgc5GNYtbNK_LFksAN2sGetoexUVq2LCNuW0siBJ/s320/20211025_092507.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></div><span style="font-family: verdana;">Despite the brightness of the sun, the morning the weather is crisp. Neighbors walking their dogs are wearing mittens and winter coats. Even the joggers are bundled. Before heading out for my 9am appointment, I pull my winter wool coat from the rear of the closet. </span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">The frost on the windshield of my car is melted enough that the wipers easily clear it. I am grateful and remind myself to hold firmly to the gratefulness. The arrival of crisp weather with overnight temps nearing freezing does not mean winter will be here very, very soon. Winter will arrive and depart in her own time, far outside the reach of my impulsive demand for control.<br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"> "Stay in the now," I tell my heart, "Enjoy this day."</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I reach into the pocket of my coat and discover thick, inviting mittens... mittens I'd forgotten during years spent in the mild winters of Saint Louis. In the opposite pocket is a folded paper facemask. I put on the mittens and revisit gratefulness as I return the facemask to the darkness of the pocket.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Like the majestic summer days, the pandemic is in the rearview mirror, and I am grateful for the fall colors, for fragility and strength, for the creativity and tenacity of humanity, and for the splendor of this day.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Rw<br /></span></p>Rwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02843100679882649320noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6814865411276414343.post-1272693022743932022021-09-30T19:55:00.004-05:002021-09-30T20:11:18.170-05:00Chaos and Conformity<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">In the early years after the death of my husband there was at least one person in my bereavement group that raised an eyebrow when I disclosed that God had given me three close friends who were also therapists... </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">... and I will disclose to you (at the risk of your raised and questioning eyebrow) that just hours ago I asked all three for insight and reached out to my accountability partner too. I am distraught.<br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLdSzUfDTqpYnQ8adAMy6PLsWpgmsTJ5zRTQq4_NtmpCVxKDBxAv-JK8TgACi9uAu2J5xY2HM3e3-VgKTh4lK0dAH5KcypStXbXsVSzW4g5Iw-QfsnBzV8PENwUgibIx13SLmb8BOt8nLT/s1800/zoe+mirror+unsplash-page-001.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1800" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLdSzUfDTqpYnQ8adAMy6PLsWpgmsTJ5zRTQq4_NtmpCVxKDBxAv-JK8TgACi9uAu2J5xY2HM3e3-VgKTh4lK0dAH5KcypStXbXsVSzW4g5Iw-QfsnBzV8PENwUgibIx13SLmb8BOt8nLT/s320/zoe+mirror+unsplash-page-001.jpg" width="213" /></a></span></div><p></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Today I am the woman behind the mirror. I am feeling trapped.</span> <br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">The chaos that is C<span style="font-size: x-small;">OVID</span>-19 touched my life (touched all our lives) then took me down for a count and retreated into the shadows and even now is lurking there. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">I gave up hugging and playing with my grandchildren, and instead left gifts on the porch, smiling and waving through the windows.</span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">I complied with the distancing and mask protocols at local businesses and friends' homes. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">I gave up cash and used a debit card.</span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">I experienced the symptoms listed on the CDC website, consulted my healthcare POA designee and self-quarantined, then sought out and received written confirmation of a P<span style="font-size: x-small;">OSITIVE</span> Antibody Test Result.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I worshiped at a nondenominational church that created space for wearing masks or not, and fostered respect for those who chose like me and those who chose differently.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I endured being verbally accosted in a restaurant by someone whose views I shared (no mask) because I was choosing to wear a mask.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I now habitually keep appropriate social distances in check-out lines and give wide berth to those who are wearing masks.<br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">I am self-employed so did not face the choice to vaccinate or be terminated, yet I grieve with and pray with friends who are weighing that choice.<br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I felt and feel empathy, caution and sorrow, but no fear.<br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">That is, until today, when a text arrived, "The <i>venue</i> has asked our ticket holders to review the </span><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">C<span style="font-size: x-small;">OVID</span>-19</span> policy." </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">My desire is to see my adult daughter perform in Elf the Musical this coming November. The <i>venue's</i> </span><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">C<span style="font-size: x-small;">OVID</span>-19</span> policy stands in the way of my plans. I am angry and quite cognizant that my anger is almost always driven by fear.<br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">I am not a good sheep quietly grazing in a lush pasture. I find that I do not trust the earthly shepherds.</span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"> </span></span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">I am wrestling within myself,</span></span></span></span> holding fiercely to my belief that to be vaccinated is a freedom of choice issue. I find myself bristling like a porcupine at the pressure to conform. </span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">I experienced the same chaos when just six weeks after the September 11 attacks Congress passed the <b><a href="https://www.aclu.org/other/surveillance-under-usapatriot-act" target="_blank">USA/Patriot Act</a></b>, an overnight revision of the nation's surveillance laws. I felt fear.<br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">I experienced the same chaos when my husband and I refused to press charges against a young woman, and the "evidence" was twisted implicating me in a misdemeanor. The district attorney brought me in multiple times during the year that followed, threatening to charge me with a felony when I refused to plead guilty to the misdemeanor of his choosing. I refused conformity. I felt fear.<br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">This morning, the<i> venue's </i>demand that I be
tested or vaccinated collided with my desire to support and appreciate the arts.
The chaos of </span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">C<span style="font-size: x-small;">OVID</span>-19</span></span></span> had found the weapon painful enough to push me toward
conformity.<br /></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">I confirmed by reading the <i>venue's</i> policy that proof of the presence of antibodies will not be sufficient to give me access to the building. I confirmed by phone that all 1200 seats are available for each of the performances, rejecting the CDC recommendation for social distancing.<br /></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">I researched my options. I spoke with people who are intelligent and informed and trusted.</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">I ordered three tickets for Elf the Musical.</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">I made peace with the idea of giving these tickets away.<br /></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">I am moving forward, not by conforming, but by becoming better informed. </span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">I may submit to the policy. </span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">I may stand outside the door with a sign that reads, "They won't let me in."</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"></span></span></span></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjR6tLMfSTj9PdRSZOzC2a-Yj024AFImXQaT4if_pMa57puZV9YRnWTJxGKDVqaUj-YcALRdSs-mqFtbuX6T6vnD8lHD0zJG_xwTRckFaMSB_ksW_TJpZJ-JK8oQfEiOo1mMcJ5SZ-u6RYg/s2048/sign.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1244" data-original-width="2048" height="194" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjR6tLMfSTj9PdRSZOzC2a-Yj024AFImXQaT4if_pMa57puZV9YRnWTJxGKDVqaUj-YcALRdSs-mqFtbuX6T6vnD8lHD0zJG_xwTRckFaMSB_ksW_TJpZJ-JK8oQfEiOo1mMcJ5SZ-u6RYg/s320/sign.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></span></span></div><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></span></span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">I contemplate the cost of conformity and weep as I am reminded of the <b><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/First_they_came_..." target="_blank">writings</a></b> of Martin Niemoller: "First they came for the socialist, and I did not speak out-- because I was not a socialist. Then they came for the trade unionist, and I did not speak-- because I was not a trade unionist. Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out-- because I was not a Jew. Then they came for me-- and there was no one left to speak for me."<br /></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I contemplate rebellion and remember the words of the New York Times best-selling <b><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/87249394-beyond-order-12-more-rules-for-life" target="_blank">author</a></b> Jordan B. Peterson: "A certain amount of creativity and rebellion must be tolerated--or welcomed, depending on your point of view--to maintain the process of regeneration. Every rule was once a creative act, breaking other rules."</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I look at the calendar and count out eight months... the window most researchers speculate is the length of time the natural antibodies will be present.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I think about the risk of adverse reaction to injecting a vaccine in month seven while these antibodies are naturally occurring within me.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">I look at the recommendations and policies of
another venue with which I am familiar and count out the 14 days prior
to the performance recommended for those of us who may choose to
vaccinate in order to attend.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I research the risks and benefits of the available vaccines and select a local medical provider that could facilitate.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">As the sun moves beyond the horizon and the night sky darkens, I read from the Psalms, taking in the ancient wisdom and giving my fear to God.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Praise the L<span style="font-size: x-small;">ORD</span>. Praise the L<span style="font-size: x-small;">ORD</span>, my soul. I will praise the L<span style="font-size: x-small;">ORD</span> all my life; I will sing praise to my God as long as I live. Do not put your trust in princes, in human beings, who cannot save. When their spirit departs, they return to the ground; on that very day their plans come to nothing. Bless are those whose help is in the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the L<span style="font-size: x-small;">ORD</span> their God... <b><a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=ps+146&version=NIV" target="_blank">(more)</a></b></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Rw <br /></span></p>Rwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02843100679882649320noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6814865411276414343.post-84676002578211238462021-09-25T07:00:00.001-05:002021-09-25T07:00:05.918-05:00The Night<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMybcR9Z6cu6IJVItSt3P-BtRMVgqkh955DcOxBSLMzvcjNez_ey2N9xfuJRafxDtDFQI46nN7wx8XXzMfNrcXwW5pWwijtBQ2JZjX3CdMtZ3izeaEyAWvOrvks0qoeqcjA57UFueVVyvw/s1800/night+sky+2021.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1800" height="267" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMybcR9Z6cu6IJVItSt3P-BtRMVgqkh955DcOxBSLMzvcjNez_ey2N9xfuJRafxDtDFQI46nN7wx8XXzMfNrcXwW5pWwijtBQ2JZjX3CdMtZ3izeaEyAWvOrvks0qoeqcjA57UFueVVyvw/w400-h267/night+sky+2021.jpg" width="400" /></a><span style="font-family: verdana;"></span></div><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br /><i> </i></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><i> </i></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><i> </i></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><i> </i></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><i> </i></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><i> </i></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><i> </i></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><i> </i></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><i> </i></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><i>When I see your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and stars that you set in place<span style="font-size: 11pt; line-height: 107%;">—</span>What are humans that you are mindful of us, human beings that you care for us?</i></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I step out into the night.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I turn in awe </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">to the night sky </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">the stars uncountable, across the velvet darkness.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">The shapes of pine trees</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">tower over me, dark silhouettes</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">growing, stretching, reaching</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">toward the heavens. <br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">The crickets fidget</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">the familiar sound, a fitting accompaniment</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">to the movement of the stars.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">In the tall grass</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">at the edge of the lawn</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">fireflies dance.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">The night world worships God.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"></span></p><p><i><span style="font-family: verdana;">Rw</span></i></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Psalm 8:3-4 <span style="font-size: x-small;"><a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=psalm+8&version=AMPC" target="_blank">more</a></span></span></p>Rwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02843100679882649320noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6814865411276414343.post-49702154556469580412021-09-24T07:52:00.001-05:002021-09-24T07:52:56.915-05:00Midway Telephone Company (again)<p> Among the list of posts unpublished in 2011 were six drafts</p><p>~ the fifth draft entry contained this 1949 news:<br /></p>
<blockquote>The Medford exchange of the Midway Telephone Company
installed its first dial tone Saturday afternoon, which was added to the
equipment for the purpose of convenience to the customers. When the
receiver of the phone is lifted and the line is clear there is a
distinct tone that can be heard. After the first number has been dialed
the tone disappears if the line is clear, and if it doesn't it is a clear indication that the line is out of order or in use. <br />
—The Star News, 3 March 1949 <a href="http://www.wlhn.org/wisconsonian/may99/TimeMachine.html">The Time Machine</a></blockquote><br />
<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitBDQ1d_GX2NB7r13yHsuw42diOSrIfSidnKR70LU2EzXDiSlU466p0L96OKMb0YU-QwhB5GIu3cMxSfIiH4noqykDjWP6S9aPFX-En4730nTjkI2hHGRJW9IAwXJwycTvIO9PD4j6G1nD/s1600/phones_0707+crop.jpg" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="190" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitBDQ1d_GX2NB7r13yHsuw42diOSrIfSidnKR70LU2EzXDiSlU466p0L96OKMb0YU-QwhB5GIu3cMxSfIiH4noqykDjWP6S9aPFX-En4730nTjkI2hHGRJW9IAwXJwycTvIO9PD4j6G1nD/s200/phones_0707+crop.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">dusty family treasures</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
The child-me remembers <br />
the power often going out <br />
in high winds, winter storms, <br />
sitting around our table, <br />
me with my sister and mom, <br />
soft candlelight. When winds <br />
rattled windows, dad wasn't <br />
at home with us. As a lineman,<br />
he was out in the storm, atop<br />
telephone poles, making repairs.<br />
<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjp6Rmf0vlF5VbIQG2wmfESYwianWuEoJBKwc7JRLWHdtPMQS8cdBaXQCMucS2iNGj6Kw0PK5oefdh1Df299sx7InzFGCk86dI438ky-V9hu3EJcMR1foRnUDs8KLcG3PCGIRBP6Im8gmBT/s1600/Renee+birth.jpg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjp6Rmf0vlF5VbIQG2wmfESYwianWuEoJBKwc7JRLWHdtPMQS8cdBaXQCMucS2iNGj6Kw0PK5oefdh1Df299sx7InzFGCk86dI438ky-V9hu3EJcMR1foRnUDs8KLcG3PCGIRBP6Im8gmBT/s200/Renee+birth.jpg" width="134" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">me<br />
1:25am arrival</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
<br />
The story of my birth is set in a winter storm, the onset of labor
inviting my dad in from a bitter cold winter night ... when I finally
arrive and my dad is called into her hospital room, mom bursts into
tears, a response to the overwhelming exhaustion and my dad's well-intended observation: the long fingers of this baby girl.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIvcN9nXYzJsX6UnPioCh_9kLjv12Xvvs1aqfmtksI6DR4uUhndERtChjl3tg_lRcxVfv30H9MY1MAPKr6LcTLe4Z-TyxoS6WdEEvWiqXKkY6lQ7ovYIkgKgUI5gcBgGYFcE8aKyqPix7F/s1600/Amy+birth+bw.jpg" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIvcN9nXYzJsX6UnPioCh_9kLjv12Xvvs1aqfmtksI6DR4uUhndERtChjl3tg_lRcxVfv30H9MY1MAPKr6LcTLe4Z-TyxoS6WdEEvWiqXKkY6lQ7ovYIkgKgUI5gcBgGYFcE8aKyqPix7F/s200/Amy+birth+bw.jpg" width="146" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">morning glory<br />
4:23am arrival</td></tr>
</tbody></table><p><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Decades later, holding my newborn, <br />
family connections, nuances echo, <br />
the hands of my daughter are crested<br />
with the long slender fingers my father<br />
first noticed in me.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Morning Glory was in her first year of college, University of Minnesota,
when a new family tradition began. A 4:23am birthday call from me, her
mother, woke her from a deep winter's sleep.<br /> </p><p>The next year she set a alarm and answered a very chipper "hello mom" - she'd been waiting for predictable me.<br />
<br />
<br />
<i>For the LORD is good and his love endures forever;<br />
his faithfulness continues through all generations.</i><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm%20100&version=NIV;MSG">Psalm 100:5 NIV</a></span><br />
<br />
<br />
Rw<br />
.<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">17 Jan 1962 <a href="http://www.wunderground.com/history/airport/KAUW/1962/1/17/DailyHistory.html?req_city=NA&req_state=NA&req_statename=NA">Weather</a> temp -22º with wind chills approaching -40º</span></p><p><span style="font-size: x-small;">re-published today from 01/02/2012 <br /></span></p>Rwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02843100679882649320noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6814865411276414343.post-26724645987561456242021-09-19T08:07:00.006-05:002021-09-22T10:48:45.410-05:00Proverbs 1:7<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Fellowship - Proverbs 1:7 </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I accepted the invitation to bring a response this morning to Proverbs 1:7 “Fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.” </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Fear. My heart immediately jumps to the night Jesus the Christ was born—to
the shepherds in the fields. When the angel appears to them—I imagine the angel as astonishingly
bright in the sky. He or she appears and speaks and there has to be fear. And the angel then tells the shepherds</span><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">—</span>Do Not Be Afraid. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Then “an army of the troops of heaven, a heavenly knighthood”
joins the angel praising: “Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace”—did that bright light hovering in the sky multiply and grow brighter? </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Did the night mimic the brilliance of day? </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">And then, God’s messengers leave and there is darkness. <br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">As the shepherds’ eyes</span><span style="font-family: verdana;"> adjust</span><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">—as my eyes adjust</span></span><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">—</span></span>to the night sky, do the stars now seem very tiny? Smaller, somehow? </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">There in the fields at night, were the shepherds</span><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">—</span>human like me</span><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">—</span>filled with fear? </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">The shepherds were in a place
familiar to them and could choose to remain there. Or, they could choose to
seek out the Child born in the town of David. The Bible tells us they “went with haste and by searching” found Mary and Joseph, and the Baby. They chose to move.<br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">As the shepherds drew close to the place where the Child lay, did the light shine
from the Child? A light more brilliant than the night sky filled with
messengers? </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">And, as a shepherd coming into the birth place, did I pause? Do I choose to look at the Child
from just inside the entrance? As others moved closer toward the Child and
his parents? Are they drawing close?
Did some stand like me? Did others kneel? </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">And, as only God could envision and orchestrate that perfect moment, did
each shepherd remember the words of the angel—Do Not Be Afraid? In the
presence of the Holiness, does my human heart beat faster? Did another person's heart skip a beat in
awe and wonder? Did someone smile? Did someone's eyes fill with
tears? Did words of adoration escape the lips of someone next to me, as I stood speechless with praise? </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">On an ordinary night God’s witnesses look up at the night sky and are terribly
frightened by the beginning of something extraordinary. The shepherds’ first
response is fear. And, the angel-messenger announces—Do Not Be Afraid. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Fear is somehow linked to the darkness</span><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">—</span>or begins in the darkness. I believe
fear resides within the graceless space, the darkness within my own human heart. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">God invites me into the discovery, to confess my fear, and with haste and by
searching, seek with awe and wonder the wisdom of God</span><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">—</span>a wisdom as vast as
the universe that holds the stars in the night sky. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. <br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><i>Rw</i> <br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Scripture: Luke 2:8-16 AMPC Amplified Bible, Classic Edition <span style="font-size: x-small;"><a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Luke+2%3A8-16&version=AMPC">more</a></span><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Suggested image: Birth of The King by C. Michael Dudash </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></p>Rwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02843100679882649320noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6814865411276414343.post-13994925462133435882021-05-20T12:39:00.001-05:002021-05-20T12:39:54.093-05:00disproportionate grace<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglBJDbQWSctcHhzwKYQut7kNxuXxgecimumj3rjptzLYjRLkGEt8pktxsTQQSRG7zq_CHFQdFWPUq-COYI6xd3C2SSgjFVMTE9jm1csStw_GZ9QX7DuqTJFquxrpvrIgH6H58KY0JN03El/s2048/forgive.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1460" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglBJDbQWSctcHhzwKYQut7kNxuXxgecimumj3rjptzLYjRLkGEt8pktxsTQQSRG7zq_CHFQdFWPUq-COYI6xd3C2SSgjFVMTE9jm1csStw_GZ9QX7DuqTJFquxrpvrIgH6H58KY0JN03El/w456-h640/forgive.jpg" width="456" /></a></div><br /> <p></p>Rwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02843100679882649320noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6814865411276414343.post-71938521210158739652021-05-15T12:04:00.000-05:002021-05-15T12:04:15.977-05:00Joy<p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2ZlOBChYJjL3rYS3GEPTJBnjqCfA3dVfU2isJ5oq_TSYCBZ2KXPVHWQGHAh7mO_FESjLJl9ReartOWlg0iQdZbOPj1BOt2TCl9fQvBt4frY_3q8dl-azKCtkD3SJWrtyupOnbuZeLsvPz/s1990/olivia-bauso-VQLyz0CpVFM-unsplash+crop.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1990" data-original-width="1637" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2ZlOBChYJjL3rYS3GEPTJBnjqCfA3dVfU2isJ5oq_TSYCBZ2KXPVHWQGHAh7mO_FESjLJl9ReartOWlg0iQdZbOPj1BOt2TCl9fQvBt4frY_3q8dl-azKCtkD3SJWrtyupOnbuZeLsvPz/w164-h200/olivia-bauso-VQLyz0CpVFM-unsplash+crop.jpg" width="164" /></a></span></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></td></tr></tbody></table><span style="font-family: verdana;">Happy Birthday M.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Long before the births of my bio-grandchildren, you opened my heart to the possibility of grand-parenting. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I remember well the moment years ago when the strong young woman God chose as your mother announced her pregnancy. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">"Congratulations!" was my response.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">There is joy!</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Happy Birthday M.<br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">R <br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></p>Rwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02843100679882649320noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6814865411276414343.post-53709235412500310602021-05-13T17:37:00.021-05:002021-06-05T06:48:30.685-05:00Truth Be Told<p></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwzPZTkcHccK1K2YoRBsI6LUXYLm1b7N0Ob12pAxUrHtb_F3X5ZEpHSdq9RETpTI1TdGrD99k3NTKpN-03_3MkqgjNDM_BdzQI5BOTrhgkZI0q9Vgv4fI-7DlfQXMj9r539QDmaJHrXOyw/s259/mastadon+state+park.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="259" data-original-width="194" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwzPZTkcHccK1K2YoRBsI6LUXYLm1b7N0Ob12pAxUrHtb_F3X5ZEpHSdq9RETpTI1TdGrD99k3NTKpN-03_3MkqgjNDM_BdzQI5BOTrhgkZI0q9Vgv4fI-7DlfQXMj9r539QDmaJHrXOyw/s0/mastadon+state+park.jpg" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr></tbody></table><span style="font-family: verdana;">2:15PM </span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I am running away<span><span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: verdana;">, with a large Diet Coke from Jack in the Box. I am sitting in my car in a shaded parking spot at Mastodon State Park.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"> It is Thursday and I am tired-- weary of whining codependent people who seem to think that I somehow possess an endless supply of empathy (while being keenly aware I too am a whining codependent). I am tired-- exhausted in supporting my sister in her choice to care for our aging parents in their home, a choice that is crushing her in so many ways. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I am tired-- drained by living in Ashleigh Woods, a Truman Show replica, a subdivision of gazebos and picture perfect $300k houses where the garage is the most frequent point of entry and front doors remain unopened. I am tired of living where there is little or no room for me, where heating a cup of water for instant coffee leaves me feeling as though I am intruding. In response I retreat to the </span><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">12 x 12 room that serves as my bedroom, my office, my home-- the room</span> shared walk-in closet containing women's Poshmark-worthy fashions and my limited Goodwill collection of spring-summer casual clothing.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I am thankful for the room's generous windows facing north-northwest and framing the forested bluff and the clear blue sky, where I can watch red-tailed hawks soar over the bluff.<br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I am tired of needing tires on my car. I am ashamed of not earning income enough to promptly pay the $300 rent due each month on my room, and I feel a bit guilty that I drive through Culver's too often and pay storage fees for stuff I desire, but probably do not need: two wicker rockers, photographs, books, and warm winter clothing. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I am tired of groceries, office supplies, and toilet paper going on my Red Card, the balance rising toward the credit limit with each purchase. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I am tired of living in emotional and physical celibacy. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I am weary of being a sparrow in a sea of flamingos.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I miss the flawed sanctuary of my studio apartment at Taravue and the companionship of my dog, Harley, who was with me until August 27th of 2018... or 2019. My heart breaks with vivid memories of our last day together and the frustration of being unable to remember which year.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I miss friends and family in Wisconsin-- people who knew my husband and think of me as married or part of a couple, even though he's been gone nearly five years now.<br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">"Truth Be Told" by Matthew West comes on the car radio-- tuned into JoyFM Saint Louis: </span><i><span style="font-family: verdana;">Lie number one, you're supposed to have it all together... </span></i><br /></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I listen to the lyrics. I am soothed by the song, then suddenly squirm with the need for a restroom-- one of the disadvantages of being nearly 60 years old. I compose myself and walk toward the park's public restrooms, hoping these are unlocked in this claustrophobic Covid-19 world. Blessing-- the blessing of flush toilets, hand soap, running water and toilet paper. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">On the walk back to the car I detour over a walk bridge and through a picnic shelter with a large grill on one end and a horseshoe court on the other. The trail beckons and I walk on, following the path of white crushed rocks away from my car and toward the stream bed I know is there.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">This part of Mastodon Park reminds me of the Ledges State Park in Boone County, Iowa-- especially the shallow, inviting waterways. Our son and daughter-in-law brought me here once, to Mastodon, along with the first two grandchildren, and we spent the day in the creek bed-- the warmth of the Saint Louis summer subdued by the shade of ample trees and the flow of cool water. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">When a choice-- a fork in the path-- comes, I choose the longer one which I believe will bring me out near my car. I pass on the option of the much-much-much longer Limestone Hill Trail, and come out of the woods where I'd anticipated. A sign where the path breaks into the clearing reads, "Spring Branch Trail .8 mile loop." That is far enough, given I am wearing flip flops. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I had not planned to walk at all and I feel better having done so. None of the many things that leave me tired have changed, yet, somehow, a short walk in the gentle woods has soothed me.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">God is not surprised.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">R</span></p>Rwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02843100679882649320noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6814865411276414343.post-15645836652307177012021-03-28T06:30:00.006-05:002021-03-29T18:23:38.459-05:00Persevere<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span></span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXfUVcwG39NKiVYAEz5gfAx2n13NmKIiyYuN5voqS7VTN2NUDEXL5vP_VMeCJHsyyXPlI8auxnSxjLGaGtHdV4-UueP9xd-f39Sy6-wW8MsYbntKeYyi73-RGAHHvAJ-ZqdyKgByN86lTz/s2048/20210319+window.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXfUVcwG39NKiVYAEz5gfAx2n13NmKIiyYuN5voqS7VTN2NUDEXL5vP_VMeCJHsyyXPlI8auxnSxjLGaGtHdV4-UueP9xd-f39Sy6-wW8MsYbntKeYyi73-RGAHHvAJ-ZqdyKgByN86lTz/s320/20210319+window.jpg" width="320" /></a></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">The scripture reads <i>perseverance</i>… not <i>a walk in
the park</i>. I am struggling with perseverance this morning. I am overweight,
feeling used, lonely, and exhausted. SLOTH is the most frequently checked </span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">descriptive in my Celebrate Recovery daily inventory —4 out of the past 5 days.
This morning, I am deeply and tearfully missing my husband. I do not want to
continue walking this life without him. I differentiate this from the phrase <i>I
do not want to continue walking this life alone</i>. I do not long for a
companion-spouse, I long for my lost companion-spouse—the laughter and
compatibility, the deep knowing of our interwoven stories, the delight and love
reflected in his eyes, the comfort of his presence, even the brisk
dismissiveness that surfaced when we were fighting against each other instead
of for each other. I cry out to God, <i>I can’t do this anymore! I don’t want
to do this anymore</i>. There is a heavy whine to the w-a-a-a-n-n-t. I sit in
the truth of my selfishness. I sit in the truth of my pain. I sit in the truth
of perseverance. </span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span class="text Heb-12-1 psuedo-selection" id="en-NIV-30214">"And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us," - Hebrews 12:1b NIV</span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span class="text Heb-12-1 psuedo-selection" id="en-NIV-30214">R </span> <br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"> </span></span></p><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">
</span></span><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:DocumentProperties>
<o:Version>16.00</o:Version>
</o:DocumentProperties>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/>
<w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/>
<w:OverrideTableStyleHps/>
</w:Compatibility>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="false"
DefSemiHidden="false" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="376">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="footnote text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="footer"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="table of figures"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="envelope address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="envelope return"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="footnote reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="line number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="page number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="table of authorities"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="macro"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="toa heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Closing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Mention"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Smart Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hashtag"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Unresolved Mention"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Smart Link"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin-top:0in;
mso-para-margin-right:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:8.0pt;
mso-para-margin-left:0in;
line-height:107%;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:11.0pt;
font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;
mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}
</style>
<![endif]-->Rwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02843100679882649320noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6814865411276414343.post-41523952791388498872021-01-18T08:42:00.000-06:002021-01-18T08:42:44.803-06:00The Third Act<p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhImbljR5PquiynIOkrdp5j0k94bmWhqxnUFJ_LlJpxPdyp1Qt6rsuzWWBS_2QJp92b0ucefPdqdS1RGjibmGyLj31otjUNGpU49lTOIO-EhBn2ubI2qkTnM61nr6yaybjSZW_kGq9chfPV/s2048/tim-zankert-gm3M-CsuynI-unsplash+-+crop.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1867" data-original-width="2048" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhImbljR5PquiynIOkrdp5j0k94bmWhqxnUFJ_LlJpxPdyp1Qt6rsuzWWBS_2QJp92b0ucefPdqdS1RGjibmGyLj31otjUNGpU49lTOIO-EhBn2ubI2qkTnM61nr6yaybjSZW_kGq9chfPV/s320/tim-zankert-gm3M-CsuynI-unsplash+-+crop.jpg" width="320" /></a>A new season... life's third act. Today another year begins. The age-o-meter is ticking toward the next decade. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">My soul feels vital and alive; I am surprised by the inner sensation of being a thirty-something. At the same time, my gray hair and grandchildren reveal that my earthbound body is decades older.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">During yoga stretches this morning -- a familiar but neglected habit -- my shoulders grumble a bit before giving in to the sensation of freedom. The lyrics of "It Is Well With My Soul..." drift through my earbuds, carried by the voice of Audrey Assad. Tears form and flow for all that is not as I expected it to be.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I switch to another favorite, "Say Yes" by Michelle Williams, and let the rhythms and lyrics lift me into my day -- day one of whatever God has planned for this new season, the third act.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Rw <br /></span></p>Rwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02843100679882649320noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6814865411276414343.post-12527239699199481852020-07-05T11:01:00.003-05:002020-07-05T11:08:30.939-05:00Lament and Celebration<div><font size="3"><span style="font-family: "verdana";">Pour out your heart like water.</span></font></div><div><font size="3"><br /><span style="font-family: "verdana";"></span><span style="font-family: "verdana";"></span></font></div><div><font size="3"><span style="font-family: "verdana";"></span></font></div><div><font size="3"><span style="font-family: "verdana";">The phrase brings tears even now, four years later. Can it really be four years? Yes. This is my fifth Independence Day weekend without my husband. The loss is still heavy. I've grown stronger through the years. I've grown weaker these past four months.</span></font></div><div><font size="3"><span style="font-family: "verdana";"><br /></span></font></div><div><font size="3"><span style="font-family: "verdana";">At sunset last night I went for a drive to QT to buy snacks---a weakness. As I pulled out of the parking lot, I found myself, car windows open, singing <i>God Bless America, </i>a patriotic song I'd been taught in elementary school... then stopping my voice abruptly when a couple of neighbors out on the sidewalk raised their heads to glance at me.</span></font></div><div><font size="3"><span style="font-family: "verdana";"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKLWvxfJjylKmuPK6meMuMGmGjBkdGVVc4c2JoxCtNEC4K3h7wcmiAqJ9oGCzWQsAfwl-GFOtd-GUy-uDvfftmb1zqyR-8tfectesmtKXWV3sOWB7M-YZ0HTGEyNVjS_1kdT7184OswtOB/s5184/chris-nemeth-fqqpFSLNuys-unsplash.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3456" data-original-width="5184" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKLWvxfJjylKmuPK6meMuMGmGjBkdGVVc4c2JoxCtNEC4K3h7wcmiAqJ9oGCzWQsAfwl-GFOtd-GUy-uDvfftmb1zqyR-8tfectesmtKXWV3sOWB7M-YZ0HTGEyNVjS_1kdT7184OswtOB/s320/chris-nemeth-fqqpFSLNuys-unsplash.jpg" width="320" /></a></div></span><br /><span style="font-family: "verdana";"></span><span style="font-family: "verdana";"></span></font></div><div><font size="3"><span style="font-family: "verdana";">I rolled up my window, looked straight ahead, and kept drivin</span><span style="font-family: "verdana";"></span><span style="font-family: "verdana";">g.<br /></span></font></div><div><font size="3"><span style="font-family: "verdana";"><br /></span></font></div><div><font size="3"><span style="font-family: "verdana";">Along the way my comfortable, established, middle-class-to-affluent neighbors celebrated our independence---the American Revolution and our growing freedom from C<font size="2">OVID</font>-19 (or at least an easing of its restrictions). <br /></span></font></div><div><font size="3"><span style="font-family: "verdana";"><br /></span></font></div><div><font size="3"><span style="font-family: "verdana";">The sky over our neighborhood lit up with exploding fireworks; the night echoed with rhythmic, spontaneous bursts of pop-pop-pop; and the air beneath the streetlights clouded with fog-like smoke. <br /></span></font></div><div><font size="3"><span style="font-family: "verdana";"><br /></span></font></div><div><font size="3"><span style="font-family: "verdana";">I wept... for the battles, for the victories, for the people.</span></font></div><div><font size="3"><span style="font-family: "verdana";"><br /></span></font></div><div><font size="3"><span style="font-family: "verdana";">Rw</span></font></div><div><font size="3"><span style="font-family: "verdana";"><br /></span></font></div><div><font size="3"><span style="font-family: "verdana";">Arise, cry out in the night <br /></span></font></div><div><font size="3"><span style="font-family: "verdana";">as the watches of the night begin; <br /></span></font></div><div><font size="3"><span style="font-family: "verdana";">pour our your heart like water <br /></span></font></div><div><font size="3"><span style="font-family: "verdana";">in the presence of the Lord. <br /></span></font></div><div><font size="2"><span style="font-family: "verdana";">Lamentations 2:19</span></font></div><div><font size="2"><span style="font-family: "verdana";"><br /></span></font></div><div><font size="2"><span style="font-family: "verdana";"><br /></span></font></div><div><font size="3"><span style="font-family: "verdana";"><font size="2">Photo by Chris Nemeth on Unsplash</font><br /></span></font></div>Rwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02843100679882649320noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6814865411276414343.post-8630192266056909102020-06-02T00:22:00.000-05:002020-06-02T00:22:40.104-05:00only God
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I live in the city of #michaelbrown</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I live in a world of white privilege</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">weeping</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">hopelessness</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">fear</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">we seek control</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">and cling to false safety</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">a woman near me asks, Why the violent protest?</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">my mind answers one way</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">my heart another</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">because words have failed us</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">because we cannot listen</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">because we will not see</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">because the tomorrow will come</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">and</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">we will put this behind us</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">our lives will move on unchanged</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">we will choose not to change </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">except for </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">those among us </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">who choose differently</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">… hearts broken in the violence</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">… yearning for justice</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">mired in legalities</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">silenced by inefficacy</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">weary but still standing</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">a woman near me asks, What can I do?</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">anything</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">nothing</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">whatever God asks of you</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 79.15pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">… of me</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 79.15pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 79.15pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I live in a city where lives do
not matter</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 79.15pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">only God can calm the winds of chaos</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">only God can heal this brokenness</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">weeping</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">hopelessness</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">prayer</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:DontVertAlignCellWithSp/>
<w:DontBreakConstrainedForcedTables/>
<w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/>
<w:Word11KerningPairs/>
<w:CachedColBalance/>
</w:Compatibility>
<w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="267">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-qformat:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin-top:0in;
mso-para-margin-right:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt;
mso-para-margin-left:0in;
line-height:115%;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:11.0pt;
font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";
mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->Rwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02843100679882649320noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6814865411276414343.post-26133573820292473912020-05-05T09:43:00.000-05:002020-05-09T09:59:44.218-05:00The Rumble<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMtwz8t2T5IjkqQ4uC5h3nvXysx0kEW5QHVlEZgJ0w6eF1RkCoNkLVHf6yYG2d4_BR1VFc5vEE3HBk5bwKxnC-L93y02jgh_cL74SeyjGelKX2X5y1gKPvBEZangSVeOsE7Idf2iN38ccT/s1600/write+not+forgotten.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="961" data-original-width="1600" height="192" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMtwz8t2T5IjkqQ4uC5h3nvXysx0kEW5QHVlEZgJ0w6eF1RkCoNkLVHf6yYG2d4_BR1VFc5vEE3HBk5bwKxnC-L93y02jgh_cL74SeyjGelKX2X5y1gKPvBEZangSVeOsE7Idf2iN38ccT/s320/write+not+forgotten.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Just another ordinary Tuesday... my workday begins around 7:00 a.m., editing a column for my friend, Tim. Then, the extraordinary happens. As I read his words on the page my head begins swimming, a memory leaves the quiet of its resting place and floats toward my consciousness. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br />In the late '90s as the internet became a new and efficient connector for so many, a woman reached out to my husband, accusing him of violence toward her... years earlier... decades, actually. I cannot know how long my husband endured the weight of her accusation before sharing the burden with me. I hope it was minutes or hours, not weeks or months. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I never asked. I cannot now know.<br /><br /> When the words he desired to say were spoken and silence filled the room, my first thought was:<i> that is not possible... that is not the man you are</i>. In the days that followed, the woman's sister contacted my husband, providing insight, giving details not of what her sibling believed had happened, but what was happening now.<br /><br />I remember standing in the dining room, looking into my husband's eyes as he reached out by phone to someone he trusted, an attorney. The advice? <i>Do not voluntarily submit to her request, ever. Too much risk. Too much uncertainty. Too much chaos over which there is no control. Do not, under any circumstances, participate in a paternity test.</i><br /><br />Again, the timeline is lost in the passing of years. Eventually, though, the rumble of <i>this is not possible</i> made conforming our hearts to the attorney's advice untenable. <br /><br />We made the decision to open a conversation with the sister and discuss what was happening now, and that discussion led us to another, and another, and then one day we drove north to meet a 20-something woman who'd been told my husband was her father. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">She wanted an accurate medical history, not for herself, but for her children, the ones she and her husband were raising.<br /><br />On a sunny and otherwise unremarkable day, we sat in a booth in a Subway restaurant alongside the highway that connected her city with ours. I watched as my husband opened the envelope, read and signed the consent form, then scraped the inside of his cheek before handing the swab to the young woman. <br /><br />I remember thinking how intelligent and engaging this young woman was... how brave. I was not fearful of the outcomes. My heart and mind were on her, contemplating the similarities in age and attitude she shared with our children. </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">My mind drifted into the weirdness of an unknown future. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">If the swabs affirmed no connection, would she suffer or rejoice? If the swabs revealed paternity, would she be blended into our family? Or, simply walk away a stranger with the medical history she risked so much for?<br /><br />We sipped our sodas and made small talk for a time... a very short time... before leaving the restaurant.<br /><br />Weeks passed.<br /><br />We waited.<br /><br />Then, one day, the information came.<br /><br />My husband was not her father; he was not the shadowed figure of her mother's nightmares.<br /> <br />I wept.<br /><br /> I wept for the young woman... for the story of horror that surrounded her birth... for the pain in her life... her courage and the journey ahead of her.<br /><br /> Life grew quiet, contemplative, for my husband and for me... our hearts drawn closer together in this earthy life.<br /><br />R<br /><br />... </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Get wisdom.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Though it cost all you have, </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">get understanding.<br />Cherish her, </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">and she will exalt you;<br /> embrace her, </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">and she will honor you.<br />She will give you a garland </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">to grace your head<br /> and present you </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">with a glorious crown.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">-- <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=proverbs+4&version=NIV" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Proverbs 4:8-9</span></a></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
Rwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02843100679882649320noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6814865411276414343.post-59185161880473754932020-04-27T08:07:00.000-05:002020-04-27T08:44:07.028-05:00My Happy Place<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiea9qLaFY7tnbt1PTaOlWAPDhEV1kRvbm4t0R1Yj38i8Q1FMUUJ_rW5CZjMgbIcMKBZWAUoYinVUTUhPXgoi_FPpbbi1vKmpRPgYlT3hZJG9P6LHpgh7v-xj8sJouF3x6DiqwYFex38n_6/s1600/2020+milaney+castle+crop.jpg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiea9qLaFY7tnbt1PTaOlWAPDhEV1kRvbm4t0R1Yj38i8Q1FMUUJ_rW5CZjMgbIcMKBZWAUoYinVUTUhPXgoi_FPpbbi1vKmpRPgYlT3hZJG9P6LHpgh7v-xj8sJouF3x6DiqwYFex38n_6/s320/2020+milaney+castle+crop.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Castle by Milaney</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">In the past couple of weeks a handful of women began meeting... women I consider mentors and friends. Our purpose is to discuss the emotions we are experiencing in this time of C<span style="font-size: x-small;">OVID</span>-19. Grief is what brings us together.<br /><br />We began by introducing ourselves, answering the question: Who are you?<br /><br />This simple question is difficult to answer.<br /><br />Often in American culture we are asked at introduction: What do you do? <br /><br />Which seems to mean: What do you do for money? <br /><br /> Very few people want to begin by hearing about volunteerism, missions, passions, triumphs, dreams and struggles. Perhaps as the conversation progresses we might get to some of that, but mostly we are seeking a simple box of containment: What do you do for money?<br /><br /> My heart wants to go deeper. Perhaps that is why the question is: Who are you?<br /><br /> My answer on that first day of our new group: Despite the fact that my book earned $6 in royalties this past year, I am a writer. <br /><br /> I am a writer.<br /><br />I am an editor.<br /><br />I am pretty good at real estate transaction coordination... the paperwork.<br /><br />If the question is: What do you do? then my ranking is reversed because we are speaking about what we do to earn money.<br /><br />I am a real estate transaction coordinator.<br /><br />I am an editor.<br /><br />I am a writer.<br /><br /> I am also a grandmother, a mother, a mother-in-law, a fifty-something caucasian woman with a partial college education, a friend, a companion, a roommate, a leader, a follower, a sister, a daughter, a niece, an aunt, a widow and oddly a wife... still wearing his ring.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The follow up question now seems to be: Where is your happy place?<br /><br />In being a grandmother, in seeing my husband's legacy live, love, learn and grow. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The castle has lots of rooms.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">R</span><br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span class="text John-14-1"><span class="woj">Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me.</span></span><sup> </sup><span class="text John-14-2" id="en-NIV-26671"><span class="woj">My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you?</span></span> <span class="text John-14-3" id="en-NIV-26672"><span class="woj">And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.</span></span> <span class="text John-14-4" id="en-NIV-26673"><span class="woj">You know the way to the place where I am going. -- Jesus, <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john+14&version=NIV" target="_blank">in John 14:1-4 [more]</a></span></span></span></blockquote>
Rwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02843100679882649320noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6814865411276414343.post-48108282581878952832020-04-13T09:47:00.000-05:002020-04-14T16:22:29.952-05:00Autonomy<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_Y7wvfgtb9HFNJwEXnd0bE9Ux182FAlMO8xG4Y8lE8FxVou-_YXnQ3OXR2oIpdIUtL8KtZhtAuxWPx49TRAyW8O1HRJSJx-53wfWGFfOJ2ivB30CXKZwqi1Vs3hhTj9ApguCV8mLlXwWI/s1600/1978+rwurzer.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1117" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_Y7wvfgtb9HFNJwEXnd0bE9Ux182FAlMO8xG4Y8lE8FxVou-_YXnQ3OXR2oIpdIUtL8KtZhtAuxWPx49TRAyW8O1HRJSJx-53wfWGFfOJ2ivB30CXKZwqi1Vs3hhTj9ApguCV8mLlXwWI/s320/1978+rwurzer.jpg" width="223" /></a>At sunrise on the Saturday before Easter, I drove a few miles south to leave on the front porch a birthday surprise for my daughter-in-law and granddaughter (the one who just turned two). In the midst of the C<span style="font-size: x-small;">OVID</span>-19 pandemic and safer-at-home guidelines, being present to witness the blowing out of the birthday candles is not worth the risk of me bringing the virus into their home. My heart finds joy in photos shared on social media and rests in the assurance that this season of isolation will pass... On Easter Sunday my daughter and I spoke via Zoom, a new-to-me audio/video conferencing platform. She sent me the invitation entitled <i>Digital Coffee</i>. I clicked on the link and we chatted: me from the corner of the kitchen in Missouri, she from the newly synthesized at-home-office in the corner of an extra bedroom in Wisconsin.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">My daughter and daughter-in-law, along with my son and son-in-law are strong, intelligent adults who cared for me in the early years of my widowhood, when to stop breathing was my daily prayer. In this, the fourth year of the widow-journey, my mental and emotional health are stabilizing. I am embracing life and finding joy again. Yet, in this pandemic and with the recent lowering of the at-risk age to those of us over 50, I am mentally addressing life's inevitable end. </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The conversations are difficult. No human wants to imagine the end of life for someone we love. Yet, the protocols for the end of my life are in place. My son is the executor of my will. My daughter is person designated in my healthcare power of attorney. </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">On Saturday morning, during our <i>Digital Coffee</i>, God opened a moment for saying the difficult words, reminding my daughter that if I become deathly ill I want no extraordinary measures to prolong my life. </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I am not being an alarmist. I am doing my homework. Early studies are showing that loved ones who are diagnosed with C<span style="font-size: x-small;">OVID</span>-19 and decline to the point where we are put on ventilators will not likely leave the hospital.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br />"It's very concerning to see how many patients who require ventilation do not make it out of the hospital," says <a href="https://emergencymedicine.wustl.edu/people/tiffany-osborn/">Dr. Tiffany Osborn</a>,
a critical care specialist at Washington University in St. Louis who
has been caring for coronavirus patients at Barnes-Jewish Hospital. <a href="https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2020/04/02/826105278/ventilators-are-no-panacea-for-critically-ill-covid-19-patients" target="_blank">[more]</a></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">One of the tenets of my faith that held me steady at the death of my husband is that life itself is in the hands of our Lord, that the days of our lives are numbered, perhaps from the moment of creation itself.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I am inspired by the lyrics of <a href="https://youtu.be/d17hi1s6Tgg" target="_blank">Light Shine Bright</a>:</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<i style="font-family: verdana, sans-serif;">I wanna magnify Your light </i></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><i>I wanna reflect the sun <br />Cut like precious diamonds <br />With the colors by the millions <br />This is the only world we know <br /><b>And for now this rental's our home</b> <br />If we gonna be a reflection <br />Gotta make this third rock glow</i></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">This is earth is our rental. Eternal life is on the other side.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Jesus promises: </span><span class="text John-14-2" id="en-NIV-26671" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span class="woj">"My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you?</span></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> </span><span class="text John-14-3" id="en-NIV-26672" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span class="woj">And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am." <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John+14%3A2-3&version=NIV" target="_blank">John 14:2-3</a></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">My daughter once observed that autonomy is something I highly value. Faith is essential too.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Holding onto His promises.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">R</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">resource: <a href="https://www.dyingmatters.org/page/TalkingAboutDeathDying" target="_blank">talking about death and dying</a></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">photo: me. a brunett in the '70s. </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
Rwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02843100679882649320noreply@blogger.com2