Sunday, September 28, 2014



like the sculptor's chisel

broke away a hardened fragment of my heart

i moaned as if in pain and brought my hand to rest on my heart


the speaker of the words sat behind me

in the 9 o'clock hour

my favorite 40 minutes of Fellowship

a study and discussion of the teaching before it is taught

an open door, a place to impact

to be impacted

the image of the ocean storm has haunted me these past months

i grew tired of treading water and fighting the sea

beneath me an undercurrent beckoned, caressed

i secretly harbored the urge 
   to move toward the shore
   to claw my way onto the sand
   to feel the scratchy wet earth beneath me
   to embezzle rest

i am grateful for the Truth. the Chisel. the Awe.

Hillsong United lyrics:
"Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)"

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

I will call upon Your name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine


photo credit

Thursday, September 25, 2014

$3 Flannel

the challenge: a costume that illustrates the change you are looking to see.

my response: naked and unashamed.

today? an L.L. Bean flannel nightshirt i picked up for $3 from the men's rack in a second-hand store, clothing in which i am comfortable, clothing that signals rest and respite, time away from the world.

tomorrow? tomorrow it may be different.

"Naked and Unashamed: letting people see the real me"
— wearing something that makes you feel beautiful, that reveals your heart and celebrates the real you. So ... a tiara, a team t-shirt, a long flowing skirt, a great pair of jeans, a whispered hopes button, flip flops or stilettos, a piece of jewelry you created ...

Now let Us conceive a new creation—humanity—made in Our image, fashioned according to Our likeness. And let Us grant them authority over all the earth ... Genesis 1:26 VOICE

photo: source

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

blackest night

The railing is more substantial than expected. I'd driven across the bridge a thousand times, but this night for the first time I walk it. I am close enough to the railing to touch the smooth, round metal. The circumference is more than twice the distance measured palm to fingertip; my two hands together look too small to fully grasp it. 

Walking the 4½ miles from a friend's spare bedroom in Camino Park to the bridge on South Hastings Way did not alleviate my desperation. Step followed step. Seconds gathered into minutes. An hour passed without memory as though a dense fog had swallowed up the visual and visceral cues that life exists. I experience myself without dimension from somewhere deep within, a heart beat slows and grows loud, pulses a primal accompaniment, intensifying my need for escape. 

The air is cool. Its breeze delivers a hint of fall. The river below is still and soundless, lifeless and black. Day has turned to evening. 

The night is swallowing the sun. 

My hands move toward the railing. Headlamps on a passing car illuminate a large black spider, the builder of an intricate web anchored in the smooth, round metal. I am startled and fearful, eyes alert and intent on this unexpected adversary, hands now motionless in midair, heart and soul moving as though in meditation: behold the delicate web. 

The bridge had been my destination, the inky black river my intended tomb. 

Behold the delicate web: intricate and anchored, woven and unwavering. 

Blackest night cannot devour the sun. 

Spiderweb in Sunlight by Nicko Margolies

When you beg the Lord for help, he will answer, “Here I am!” Isaiah 58:9 CEV


it was 1985. a brutal battle for custody in the midst of shattered dreams. the isolation of divorce. economic poverty. an overwhelming sense of failure as a parent and a person.