The scripture reads perseverance… not a walk in
the park. I am struggling with perseverance this morning. I am overweight,
feeling used, lonely, and exhausted. SLOTH is the most frequently checked descriptive in my Celebrate Recovery daily inventory —4 out of the past 5 days.
This morning, I am deeply and tearfully missing my husband. I do not want to
continue walking this life without him. I differentiate this from the phrase I
do not want to continue walking this life alone. I do not long for a
companion-spouse, I long for my lost companion-spouse—the laughter and
compatibility, the deep knowing of our interwoven stories, the delight and love
reflected in his eyes, the comfort of his presence, even the brisk
dismissiveness that surfaced when we were fighting against each other instead
of for each other. I cry out to God, I can’t do this anymore! I don’t want
to do this anymore. There is a heavy whine to the w-a-a-a-n-n-t. I sit in
the truth of my selfishness. I sit in the truth of my pain. I sit in the truth
of perseverance.
"And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us," - Hebrews 12:1b NIV
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