Defiance

I remember sitting with the other pall bearers at the funeral for my paternal grandfather, a quiet defiance coercing through me as I sat back in the pew, eyes staring forward, chin tilted slightly up, jaw clenched, challenging someone – anyone, everyone – to confront me.

I wanted my father to be tortured and shamed in this moment with this one simple act: my refusal to take Communion.

Lord, forgive me! What an ugly place for my soul to be!

This culmination of my defiance began long ago, shame shadows haunting me, isolation, a dark divorced place, bitterness like mold growing within me twisting a core Catholic belief – bread and wine becoming the true presence of Christ – into a toxic prison assuring my own exile.

Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner 

worthy of the gospel of Christ.

Philippians 1:27 NIV excerpt

Yesterday, watching Perry kneel not just once but multiple times – broken beautiful humanity demonstrating the joy of the apostle Paul and the divine obedience of Christ – opened my hardened heart to the realization that I rarely kneel ... often exhibiting pride in not kneeling, a pattern of defiance and isolation extending back decades.

Grieving Woman

Rw

"Why not?" the selfish toddler me demanded. Why can't non-Catholics, Evangelicals and Protestant denominations receive Catholic Communion? more >