finding rest

an envelope arrived yesterday from the director of the crematory that assisted us in the days following my husband's unexpected death. at first, i did not want to open it, though its thickness indicated it contained material intended to help me, the grieving person. the envelope rests on the kitchen counter for a time, then i retrieve the letter opener - neatness counts - slit open the envelope, remove its contents and read the cover letter. "Dear Renee, During grief, some days are just harder than others. This brochure gives ideas for getting the most from the toughest ones..." 

something in the words acknowledging the toughest days is soothing to my soul. i read every word of the first 8 pages, skip page 9 - a list of books - and move onto the brochure. reading each paragraph, i nod my head in recognition. yes, me too. yes. yes.

note to self: the author of the brochure is the writer whose book you didn't buy, seeking instead to purchase the book by the female author. me being me. predictable. more

the apartment is sometimes empty and unwelcoming. my husband is not here. i am living without sufficient rest. sleeping during the day is easy enough especially the 3 days each week i work overnights. getting into bed alone at a normal time on a normal night triggers weeping. i toss and turn. the sleep that once came so naturally is now illusive. my soul grows weary.

at the same time, i am 3 journals and 3 blogs into this journey. last night i submitted a piece to Red Tent Living for possible publication, something i haven't done in months more. i am weaving together thoughts and words in coherent fashion. i am writing and that signals i am on the road to recovering, to finding my new normal. breakfast with a friend has resumed at Chickadee's; coffee, strategic planning, shared love of God's word with friend-and-pastor has begun again at Caribou. 

today is day 84 and there is renewed hope that someday i will find rest.

Rw

God heals the brokenhearted
    and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3

Messiah

Your life is a journey you must travel with a deep consciousness of God.
It cost God plenty to get
you out of that dead-end, empty-headed life you grew up in. He paid with Christ's sacred blood, you know.
He died like an unblemished, sacrificial lamb. And this was no afterthought. Even though it has only lately—at the end of the ages—become public knowledge, God always knew he was going to do this for you. It's because of this sacrificed Messiah, whom God then raised from the dead and glorified, that you trust God, that you know you have a future in God. —1 Peter 1:18-21 MSG

God always knew he was going to do this for you, for me.

Eons before Eve drew her first breath, or Mary felt the first flutter of life within her womb, God knew.

Christmas celebrates the birth of Christ, God's perfect humanity.

Each human life is a journey with the Creator who intelligently and divinely grants us the dignity of free will while laying out a plan
for every breath of our lives. My life. Your life. Every life.

Be Blessed this Christmas!
Celebrate a future in God!

You Raise Me Up

Selah

Rw
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Photo Credit

what would you be

a painter

oils on canvas

water colors on paper

cascading images, murals on plaster walls

creator of decorative wallpaper boarders and stenciled images

that are neither wall paper

nor stenciled

at all

Rw

What would you be by Ryan Allis

If a year from now you weren't in the profession you're currently in, what would you be in your wildest dreams? RA

Frequency

The movie Frequency is a beautiful celebration of our humanity, a movie in which a ham radio set connects a son with his father across 30 years, allowing the son to hear the voice of a father he barely remembers.

Like a movie critic pointing out inconsistencies in the plot, I rudely reject the idea that the devices I am text messaging with today will be functioning ten years from now. Technology is simply moving too fast.

Turning away from the technological challenges, I find myself examining the relationship of now-me and future-me, asking the question, Will the things I am doing today be something of value in 10 years?

If not, what needs to change?

Rw

Movie: Frequency


10 Year Text by Tia Singh

Speak what you think now in hard words, and tomorrow speak what tomorrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict every thing you said today. – Ralph Waldo Emerson  Imagine your future self, ie, you 10 years from now. If he/she were to send you a tweet or a text message, 1) what would it say and 2) how would that transform your life or change something you’re doing, thinking, believing or saying today? TS

Yes

In recent weeks I lifted my eyes and my heart from the task at hand – reaching out to women working in strip clubs – to explore a greater vision, a network of women reaching coast-to-coast and around the world, women joining hands, coming together, praying together, reaching for the best on our journeys, together.

We are all connected.

In recent weeks I found myself embraced in conversations, in a global convergence, an unfettered exploration of humanity – a passionate vision of a world without strip clubs, pornography, prostitution and human trafficking.

It is a tall order – a seemingly impossible dream – especially for a woman who values freedom of expression and abhors censorship; a woman who champions choice and passionately believes in God; a woman who is tentatively exploring the Creator who intelligently and divinely grants her the dignity of free will while laying out a plan for every breath of her life before she was a heartbeat in a living womb.

If my first 45 years here on earth were a pallet of primary colors and a time for learning the basic brush strokes of experience, the past 4 years matured in me a heart for blending colors, a budding understanding of the play between light and darkness, a depth of exploration that is only possible in Christ.

The blending of color and light comes in choosing to examine my own moments of darkness, uncovering the painful edges of emotional broken bones and cutting away life-draining infections within my soul.

I cannot comprehend how free will intersects with God’s chosen path for me. I simply listen in this moment, seek the next step on the path – then choose. Yes. No.

Yes, buts and Maybes are not an option. Simply and fully, Yes or No.

Today I am asked, What alternative opportunities, interpretations and paths am I not seeing?

The phrase that comes is parallel paths.

As I reach out and touch one human life, then another – move one relationship at a time, one step at a time on a path toward a world without strip clubs, pornography, prostitution and human trafficking – where are God’s parallel paths? Who are the people walking beside me, on paths I may not see?

I see poverty and hunger, lack of clean water and education. I see physical need. I see human need. I see spiritual hunger, a starvation of hope and dignity. I see the broken hearts of the women, children, and men prostituted and trafficked. I witness the shattered humanity of the men and women casting the net of evil, selling and buying, beating and raping.

I see the power to stop traffick: I'll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. *

I will never attain all I dream possible. My life here on earth is not long enough. Each day, as the sun rises, I will reach out and seek the eyes of another human being, and say yes. God has plans for us, God will never abandon us, God will give us hope and a future. We need only say yes.

* Jeremiah 29:10-11 MSG excerpt





Alternative Paths by Jonathan Fields
When good is near you, when you have life in yourself, it is not by any known or accustomed way; you shall not discern the foot-prints of any other; you shall not see the face of man; you shall not hear any name; the way, the thought, the good, shall be wholly strange and new. - Ralph Waldo Emerson The world buzzes about goals and visions. Focus. Create a vivid picture of exactly where you want to go. Dream big, then don’t let anything or anyone stop you. The problem, as Daniel Gilbert wrote in Stumbling Upon Happiness, is that we’re horrible at forecasting how we’ll really feel 10 or 20 years from now – once we’ve gotten what we dreamed of. Often, we get there only to say, “That’s not what I thought it would be,” and ask, “What now?” Ambition is good. Blind ambition is not. It blocks out not only distraction, but the many opportunities that might take you off course but that may also lead you in a new direction. Consistent daily action is only a virtue when bundled with a willingness to remain open to the unknown. In this exercise, look at your current quest and ask, “What alternative opportunities, interpretations and paths am I not seeing?” They’re always there, but you’ve got to choose to see them. (Author: Jonathan Fields)