A Breath in Time

"It is widely reported that, a person at rest takes about 16 breaths per minute. This means we breathe about 960 breaths an hour, 23,040 breaths a day, 8,409,600 a year. The person who lives to 80 will take about 672,768,000 breaths in a lifetime." - Randy Clare

This morning with what feels like a giant leap forward in the writing careers for two women in my circle of friends [see The Bible App], I am thinking about breath and breathing and how quickly our time on this earth is passing.

From the modest bookshelf in the corner of the living room I retrieve the first book ever to cross my desk as an editor, Dual Obsessions by Don Jacobson. The note tucked just inside the front cover was written 21 years ago—and in my soul the journey with "Ole" and "Lena" resonates with a freshness that belies the passage of time. Can it really be that over two decades have passed? It feels more like a breath in time, that just yesterday I was sitting at the conference table in Rice Lake, Wisconsin, laboring beside the author and his amazing wife as the book emerged from the manuscript.

Referring to myself as an editor is a rather recent development, with my preferred self-title being assistant to the author—a behind-the-scenes girl Friday—part of the support-and-encouragement sisterhood. For the most part I play a small role in a collaboration of authors, designers, editors, photographers, illustrators, proofreaders, cheerleaders, mentors, friends, and prayer partners. 

The partnership with my friend and most prolific author is a 25-book journey that began in 2011 with Touch Stone. Though a Facebook page still exists, the website for my sole proprietorship Renew Collaborative was taken down when I realized that the proofreading and editing work that has blessed me with more than a dozen delightful authors has come by referral—personal and professional.

So, today I am grateful—for a breath in time, for the work that is on my desk, for those who've worked beside me, and for God's undeniable blessing on our lives. Go God!

Rw

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.  Psalm 139:14 NIV

 

$3 Flannel

the challenge: a costume that illustrates the change you are looking to see.

my response: naked and unashamed.

today? an L.L. Bean flannel nightshirt i picked up for $3 from the men's rack in a second-hand store, clothing in which i am comfortable, clothing that signals rest and respite, time away from the world.

tomorrow? tomorrow it may be different.

"Naked and Unashamed: letting people see the real me"
— wearing something that makes you feel beautiful, that reveals your heart and celebrates the real you. So ... a tiara, a team t-shirt, a long flowing skirt, a great pair of jeans, a whispered hopes button, flip flops or stilettos, a piece of jewelry you created ...

Now let Us conceive a new creation—humanity—made in Our image, fashioned according to Our likeness. And let Us grant them authority over all the earth ... Genesis 1:26 VOICE

Rjw


photo: source

What We Talk About When We Talk About God by Rob Bell

Celebrating the growing sense that our Spirituality is in some vital and yet mysterious way central to who I am as a person ...

 I believe God is with us and for us ... ahead of us, pulling us forward ...



Rw

Magnetism

Unopened emails for a daily devotional pile up in my inbox, each arrival a click in my spiritual odometer, an opportunity to draw closer, a reminder not to walk away.

The questions waiting for me today: What circumstances has God used over the years to get my attention? How do i pay attention to God's gentle nudges in my life?

Gentle nudges in my life come and go, usually without my paying attention. The quiet magnetism i believe all humanity senses in our Creator is often ignored by me. i am a lost sheep, prone to wander and do things my own way, believing somehow i am able to find food, shelter and protection on my own.

When i stop to reflect on what God used to bring me back into the safety of the sheepfold i find my heartbeat slows with sadness. i remember circumstances of darkest night, brokenness, inhumanity – not gentle nudges but troubled places, deep hurts and primal fears for which God had prepared in advance a resting place, a healing hospice readied with people to journey with me from death to Life.

In my humanity i am like a tiny ball of yarn rolling away and coming back again. Created human i am woven into an infinite skein of wool: God's compassion and grace, His passionate embrace.

[T]he LORD came and revealed his presence, calling out as before, "Samuel, Samuel!" Samuel answered, "Speak, for your servant is listening."
1 Samuel 3:10


Heart Image: 123RF.com
Magnet Image: X Factor Consulting

Tenacious Oak

My much neglected morning devotional opens with this verse:

By faith we understand that the

universe was ordered by the word of

God, so that what is visible came into

being through the invisible.

Hebrews 11:3 more

The question that follows is:
"What in God's creation feeds my spiritual life the most?"

Trees
the seasonal cycles of deciduous trees
the coming back to life after winter
the seed helicopters on the maples
the tenacity of oak leaves over winter
the sounds of birds
the scrambles of squirrels
the branches catching the movement of the wind
the shade on a warm summer day

Reading my 'chapter a day' I find myself nodding in recognition at Paul's words:

The desire to break camp here and be with Christ is powerful.

Philippians 1:22-26 MSG excerpt

I am like a tenacious oak leaf hanging on through the winter, assured in the arrival of spring.

Rw

Photo by Vasyl Nesterov more

Just Us Orange Slices

Nothing is random. Life is filled with choice.

My life moves forward in the tension, belief in the Creator, the dignity of free will, and His plan for every breath of my life.

Orange Slices is devoted to celebrating the sweetness, pushing back the murky shadows in my peripheral vision and centering on a celebration of life. This year
I am committing one blog a month to a retrospective of goodness.

Books:
God in a Brothel by Daniel Walker
Not for Sale by Nathan Batstone

Theater:
a high school production of Grease
a community theater performance of Gypsy

Excellent Choices:
Not for Sale workshops more
The Michael Rambo Project more
58: The Film more

Special Blessings:
a new website in development

Learn to do good.
Seek justice.
Help the oppressed.
Defend the cause of orphans.
Fight for the rights of widows.

— Isaiah 1:17 NLT more

Rw

Submission

Pastor Jesus

Again this week someone invited me to join their church – not collaborate but actually leave my faith community in favor of theirs.

It is an awesome experience to feel so welcome within a faith community that we invite others in. I believe this is what Christ intended: inviting, welcoming and encouraging others.

Though just a few short weeks ago her invitation might have offered a welcome respite, today my heart says Never!

I can't imagine life here on earth without Fellowship.

And Fellowship is difficult. Intimacy and transparency can be exhausting as we mix in our broken humanity: misunderstandings, mismatched personalities, old wounds and fresh pain.

In an effort to avoid hurting others, fragile-ME wants to be polite, which at some point causes human-ME to slink away in shame and self-doubt, which causes broken-ME to rage, which brings true-ME to my knees before my Creator – eventually.

I wish it didn't take so long.

I search desperately for someone else to blame.

On my knees before my Lord, I realize the biggest stumbling block is ME.

Submission is not an attitude nor a moment of decision. Submission is a journey.

As a writer I often envy Paul, his adventures recorded, his acts of faith read over centuries by millions of people exploring the New Testament. As a follower of Christ, I celebrate Paul's candid and human words:

When someone gets to the end of his rope, 

I feel the desperation in my bones. 

When someone is duped into sin, 

an angry fire burns in my gut.

If I have to "brag" about myself, 

I'll brag about the humiliations 

that make me like Jesus ...

I crawled through a window in the wall, 

was let down in a basket, and had to run for my life.

 —2 Corinthians 11:28-22 excerpt more

This past Sunday my friend and pastor knelt during our teaching, demonstrating a posture of submission. podcast

I celebrate his candidness and humanity, his willingness to kneel.

Though just a few short weeks ago I sought respite, today my heart says Never!

Fellowship is where I belong.

Rw

Illustration by David Hayward Pastor Jesus

Patience is not my virtue

I asked my friend and pastor to pray with me, to pray with me for patience, once. That was more than enough. That was spring 2008.

I expected a gift-wrapped package of patience. God as delivery-boy? A sprinkling of stardust to change me instantaneously. My Creator as fairy-god-mother?

I now realize that when I pray for patience, God answers. God gives me situations that cultivate and grow this virtue, challenge me, stretch me, embrace me, slowing down the places within me that rush into life without appreciating the beauty and the depth.

Patience is a deep and quiet, like diving into a pool of water and moving beneath the surface, instead of skipping a stone from the shore.

What does patience feel like?

It’s a subtle unfolding with time as your ally. You feel relaxed and trust
that it will all work out, even if in this very moment,
there’s no clear path to the end.

It feels like the subtle uneasiness of allowing
all you’re uncomfortable with
to be exactly as it is.

Jackson Kiddard

The Roots of She

I used the word Predator a couple days ago. I practiced patience ...

... then I picked up and threw a stone.

... the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, 

goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control ...  

--Galatians 5:22-23 NIV

Rw
.
Photo Credit: fairy with pink wings by miszaqq

Fresh Orange Slices

Nothing is random. Life is filled with choice.

My life moves forward in the tension, belief in the Creator, the dignity of free will, and His plan for every breath of my life.

Orange Slices is devoted to celebrating the sweetness, pushing back the murky shadows in my peripheral vision and centering on a celebration of life. This year
I am committing one blog a month to a retrospective of goodness.


Books, Poetry, Prayer:
Wounded Heart by Dan B. Allender
Wounded Heart workbook developed within Valleybrook Church
The Marks of a Spiritual Leader, an essay by John Piper
The Inner Voice of Love: A Journey ... Anguish to Freedom by Henri J.M. Nouwen
Prayer Against Torment, which ends: I have committed my life to God,
and He has established my plans! (Prov 3:6, Prov 16:3)

Excellent Choices:
A Monday morning meeting at North High School
A walk in the woods of winter with Vicki, Reggie, Jo Anne and Bill
Lunch at Pizza Hut with Morning Glory, her insights and her courage
Daily prayer
Morning coffee
Prayer and Coffee on Thursday mornings
A son who can cook, dinners and movie with closest family
Lunch with my friends Kate and Emery
Time alone with God
Strangers exploring Wounded Heart, seedlings in the garden of friends
Sunsets enjoyed from a second story window, a sanctuary, mid-winter trees

Special Blessings:
Felt hearts and heart-felt words, notecards of encouragement
Inspiration from Saint Valentine and Saint Marius who performed wedding ceremonies in secret more

I wonder, when we’re caught between the familiar less good news
and the potential of the better Good News, we feel frozen.
And the words of the angel are, “Don’t be afraid.”
It's worth the risk.

 —Steve Argue, Marshill.org more

Rw
.

Healing in Faith

Our enemy is dishonest and tenacious, picking on children, hiding in the shadows, speaking simple repetitive lies into our pain.

Our God is Truth and Light, the Creator who loves us and knows our hearts,
our deepest fears, our unspeakable wounds, our greatest joys. God celebrates, knowing the plans laid out for us, plans for good - not disaster - gifts in hope
and a beautiful future. Jeremiah 29:11 NLT

In Wounded Heart as we examine our childhood pain and satan's lies we discover Light in the darkness, Plans for Good and not disaster.

We return to the feet of Jesus and we are more than healed.
We are healed and made well.
We are saved.

It happened that as he made his way toward Jerusalem, 

he crossed over the border between Samaria and Galilee. 

As he entered a village, ten men, all lepers, met him. 

They kept their distance but raised their voices, 

calling out, "Jesus, Master, have mercy on us!"

Taking a good look at them, he said, 

"Go, show yourselves to the priests."

They went, and while still on their way, became clean. 

One of them, when he realized that he was healed, 

turned around and came back, shouting his gratitude, glorifying God. 

He kneeled at Jesus' feet, so grateful. 

He couldn't thank him enough

—and he was a Samaritan.

Jesus said, "Were not ten healed? Where are the nine? 

Can none be found to come back and give glory to God except this outsider?" 

Then he said to him, "Get up. On your way. 

Your faith has healed and saved you."

—Luke 17:11-19 MSG

I lift up the women and men tentatively and courageously exploring Wounded Heart, pushing past the inaccurate and often debilitating label of "abuse victim" and walking into God's Light!

Rw
.

Orange Slices

Nothing is random. Life is filled with choice.

My life moves forward in the tension, belief in the Creator who intelligently and divinely grants me the dignity of free will while laying out a plan for every breath of my life before I was a heartbeat in a living womb.

Orange Slices is devoted to celebrating the sweetness, pushing back the murky shadows in my peripheral vision and centering on a celebration of life. This year
I am committing one blog a month to a retrospective of goodness.



If you can’t change your fate, change your attitude. – Ralph Waldo Emerson, Trust 30

Books, Poetry, Prayer:
Escort Me by Crystal Mahan
B by Sarah Kay
Glass Beach by Jill Marie Landis
Now You're 50! by Brandon Crose
Sea Glass Prayer by Anne Bender

Excellent Choices:
Lunch at Lucy's with my friend DeAna
A baby shower of pink in a most unlikely space
Dinner with Amy, Bryan, Kathryn and my husband Lw
24-hours cocooned with friends in Touched Twice United
Touring Mission Possible, a bricks-n-mortar place of healing
Couples 4 Cards with Vicki, Reggie, Jo Anne and Bill
Touring Altered Ego, a new place of beautiful care and prayer
Chili with friends

and the murky shadows ask what if you forgot someone, offended them?

"Quiet!" I reply for among the gifts is a troll named GRACE for my shoulder.

As Jesus was getting into the boat, the man who had been demon-possessed begged to go with him. Jesus did not let him, but said, “Go home to your own people and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you.” So the man went away and began to tell in the Decapolis how much Jesus had done for him. And all the people were amazed. Mark 5:18-20 NIV


Rw
.

Vivid Words

Lord, I am not worthy to receive you,
but only say the word and I shall be healed. more

In the Catholic mass of my youth these words, the preparation for communion, washed over me like a warm summer wave, a feeling of closeness with my Creator embracing me.

In a church full of people, words from my own mouth forged a solemn moment alone with God.

As this season of darkness registers yet another month on my earthly calendar, I recognize a need for silence, a closing of my mouth, a waiting for God to say the word.

We see this
image too often:
the duct-taped
mouth, a hostage
in a hopeless situation.




This image is intentional.

I need a
vivid reminder
to listen
to wait
for God
to say
the word

Last night I prayed aloud the words
of the communion preparation, and heard

Everything you need
is already there
already in place

The words wash over me, a comforting moment alone with God.

Rw
.
As for you, I'll come with healing, curing the incurable Jeremiah 30:17 MSG

Gingerbread Me

How would you describe symbolically through colors and
symbols your wellbeing? Create a figure by drawing an outline
of who you are. Fill in with colors and symbols.
—"Spiritual Wellbeing"

Gingerbread Me? A Gingerbread Girl.
Her dress is a conscious choice,
my indicator: I am Woman and I am
a woman. I am a female who savors
long and layered cotton skirts. I am
enchanted by free-flowing movement,
the caress of softly swishing fabric.

The neon-crisp Grinch-green highlighter
is a most intriguing selection. Why didn't
I choose Gingerbread brown?

Since childhood, the fictional
character clenched most tightly
within me is The Grinch.

I attempt to give the Green Me some hair, floppy-pointy Grinch-like hair. The result is not what I'd hoped for artistically. It reminds me to share imperfection, the crumby broken gingerbread pieces of me, hurts mended together by icing.

Eyes. Open. Brown eyes. Big brown eyes. I mindfully consider the placement of the lashes, elect peripheral vision.

I choose to look slightly left

rather than face

straight on

my portrait-creator.

My politics, too, are quite a bit left of center. I am learning tolerance, moving toward seeing both sides. One day I will simply look up, politically disconnect altogether, give allegiance to my Creator.

Next is a small and simple heart.

A quick pink outline in the traditional location, following those rules of anatomy.

Thinking about The Grinch and the growth of his heart, I add layers of color and outlines of time.

In Whoville they say
that The Grinch's small heart
grew three sizes that day.

I find the pink marker, fill the emptiness at the center of my heart.

Hair. Long brown hair, shoulder length,
the way I see myself in this life.

Gray bangs for the current me,
the woman in her 'wisdom' years.

Who is this gray-haired woman?
I am not used to seeing her. Yet.

Sometimes, catching my reflection in
the passenger side mirror of our Jeep,
I am startled by my almond blossom hair.

Hands.

Arms open, in motion. I hug people often.

I just recently discovered that people exist who prefer not to be hugged.
Perhaps I hug people too often?
I may need to ask hug-permission?

A rule of anatomy, five fingers on each side, leaves my open and ready hands looking like stiffly awkward appendages.

Glancing at the drawings of my classmates, I am aware there is no mouth on Green Me and that a mouth exists in Me.

I find the green highlighter, swish a smile broken. A mouth with a gap.

After decades of causing hurt with my cruel words, I am trying to do better, hanging in the gap for a moment,
thinking before I speak.

No shoes. This is intentional.

I am often un-pedicured and barefoot beneath my feminine flowing skirts.

Time is up. I share my drawing with my classmates.

The woman on my right responds, "You have a beautiful heart!"

My brown eyes brim with tears.

Rw
.

Animation Credit The Grinch

"Emotional Wellbeing" part of Mental Health and Substance Abuse Curriculum for Laity, copyright 2011