My heart had reached the tipping point and i called my husband in tears, asking him to come get me and bring me home.
The cheerful holiday chatter and smell of baking cookies in a house filled with four generations put me on edge. The silent rumbling darkness in my heart threatened to surface and unleash an infestation of unaddressed conflict and poisonous enduring contempt.
The rumbling began a few days ago when my fingers retrieved the red-scarfed rabbit from the box of ornaments for our Christmas tree. The rabbit is the tangible reminder of my own gullibility. The soundtrack it cues up is decades-old laughter at my expense, a memory laced with stupidity and shame: watching for the jackalope mile after mile and day after day on a family vacation road trip in the 1970s.
The timing is no accident. My faith community is focusing on a 3 Scripture tool for evangelism: Matthew 22:37, Matthew 22:39, Matthew 28:18-20.
My struggle is within Matthew 22:27: loving God will all my heart, all my soul and all my mind.
At a recent coffee with my friend-and-pastor, he encouraged me to open my heart to God. Since that meeting i have been intentional in my prayer and meditation, asking God to remove whatever is keeping us apart.
The self- and other-centered contempt i hold within my heart is what God is revealing and redeeming. He invites me to excise the bruised and wounded flesh, to make room for His gifts.
As my grandson and i add more decorations to the tree my heart ponders the question: What am i hoping for this Christmas?
i am hoping to collect and affirm stories of triumph, celebration, joy and delight -- to love my children and grandchildren in a way that invites and embraces heaven here on earth.
tip·ping point
noun
noun: tipping point; plural noun: tipping points
- the point at which a series of small changes or incidents becomes significant enough to cause a larger, more important change.
definition source: Google.com
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