As a college student, my soc appeared on my student ID. Later, living in Iowa it was my driver's license number. My soc is the first number I experienced as an identity.
Now, several decades later, other numbers identify me... my age, my date of birth, the number on my real estate license, the employee ID at work, my account number at the credit union, my soc... and every social media portal wants me to hand over my cell phone number just in case.
On this day, number 1169 of my widowhood, I grow weary of being known primarily by the numbers. A heartfelt plea to HR for a change in my scheduled availability resulted in a temporary reprieve, yet within two or three weeks it was back to business (and scheduling) as usual. Enter ambivalence---the coexistence of positive and negative feelings simultaneously drawing me in opposite directions.
I am drawn to examining the ambivalence like a biology teacher dissecting a frog.
I am doing the messy and intricate work of understanding my reaction to being known as a number and formulating a response.
"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men..." Col 3:23
Yes. I am still working on that!
R
image source: greater-albion.com
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